STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE 
                              
                       "Profit and Lace" 
                          #40510-547 
                              
                          Written by 
                Ira Steven Behr & Hans Beimler 
                              
                          Directed by 
                       Alexander Siddig 

THE WRITING CREDITS MAY NOT BE FINAL AND SHOULD NOT BE USED 
FOR PUBLICITY OR ADVERTISING PURPOSES WITHOUT FIRST CHECKING 
WITH THE TELEVISION LEGAL DEPARTMENT.

Copyright 1998 Paramount Pictures Corporation. All Rights 
Reserved. This script is not for publication or 
reproduction. No one is authorized to dispose of same. If 
lost or destroyed, please notify the Script Department.

Return to Script Department          FINAL DRAFT
PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORPORATION
                              March 9,1998

    STAR TREK: DS9 - "Profit and Lace" - 03/09/98 - CAST

                  STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE 
                       "Profit and Lace" 
                             CAST 

          SISKO                    ROM
          KIRA                     ZEK
          ODO                      ISHKA
          BASHIR                   NOG
          DAX                      BRUNT
          WORF                     LEETA
          QUARK                    NILVA
          ALUURA                   

          Non-Speaking             Non-Speaking
          N.D. SUPERNUMERARIES     MAIHAR'DU
          URI'LASH                 
          MORN                     

    STAR TREK: DS9 - "Profit and Lace" - 03/09/98 - SETS

                  STAR TREK:  DEEP SPACE NINE
                       "Profit and Lace" 
                             SETS 

        INTERIORS                     EXTERIORS
        DEEP SPACE NINE                 DEEP SPACE NINE
          QUARK'S                       
          QUARK'S QUARTERS              
          OPS                           
          AIRLOCK CORRIDOR              
          ROM'S QUARTERS                
          INFIRMARY                     
          HABITAT RING CORRIDOR         
          NILVA'S QUARTERS              

      DS9 - "Profit and Lace" - 03/10/98 - PRONUNCIATION 

                  STAR TREK:  DEEP SPACE NINE
                       "Profit and Lace" 
                      PRONUNCIATION GUIDE 

          ALUURA                   uh-LURE-uh
          CLARUS                   CLARE-us
          EELWASSER                EEL-vahsir
          GAILA                    GAY-luh
          HYPICATE                 HIP-eh-kat
          IRTOK                    ER-tahk
          LEK                      LECK
          LOBEKINS                 LOBE-kins
          LUMBA                    LUM-bah
          OO-MOX                   OO-machs
          URI'LASH                 YURI-lash
          ZEK                      ZECK

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - TEASER         1.

                  STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE                    
                          "Profit and Lace"                            
                            TEASER                              

	FADE IN:

1    INT. QUARK'S QUARTERS

	CLOSE ON QUARK reading a PADD and shaking his head in 
	amazement.

					QUARK
			I'm truly impressed.

	ADJUST TO REVEAL a beautiful, Amazonian, young dabo 
	girl, ALUURA, seated in a chair, drinking up Quark's 
	praise.

					QUARK
			And I'm not easily impressed. In 
			all my years as proprietor of 
			Quark's Bar, Grill, Gaming House 
			and Holosuite Arcade, I have never 
			seen such a glowing employee 
			performance report. I mean look 
			at this --

	Quark holds the PADD up for Aluura to see.

					QUARK
			-- in three months, no customer 
			has filed a single complaint 
			against you. You haven't spilled 
			a drink or mixed up a food order 
			or shortchanged a bill.

					ALUURA
			I take my job very seriously.

					QUARK 
			And yet you always manage to wear 
			a friendly smile.

					ALUURA 
			That's because I like my work. 
			I'm happy to be here.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - TEASER         2.

1    CONTINUED

					QUARK 
			It shows. The customers love you, 
			your fellow dabo girls love 
			you -- even the Ferengi waiters 
			sing your praises. And you know 
			why? Because you're nice.

					ALUURA
			I try to be.

					QUARK 
			You're nice to the customers, to 
			the dabo girls, to the Ferengi 
			waiters. You're nice to everyone. 
				(a beat) 
			Almost everyone.

	That catches Aluura's attention; she can't think of who 
	she could possibly have insulted.

					ALUURA
			You mean I've offended someone?

	A distressed Aluura rises from the chair.

					QUARK 
			Look closely, Aluura. Can't you 
			see the pain in my eyes?

	She stares at Quark.

					ALUURA
			But I'm always nice to you.

	Quark shakes his head regretfully. There's a long beat 
	as the coin drops.

					QUARK
			I think you could be nicer.

					ALUURA
				(concerned)
			How much nicer?

	Quark reaches over and hands her another PADD.

					ALUURA
				(reading)
			"Oo-mox for Fun and Profit."

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - TEASER        2A.

1    CONTINUED:	(2)

					QUARK
			It's a quick read.


					ALUURA
			Oh. You want me to be "nice."

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - TEASER         3.

1    CONTINUED:	(3)

					QUARK 
			Let's face it. The customers, the 
			dabo girls, the Ferengi waiters... 
			they didn't hire you. And they 
			can't fire you.

2    OMITTED

3    NEW ANGLE

	as the door OPENS and a frantic ROM comes racing in.

					ROM
			Brother! We need to talk.

	Quark's eyes remain glued on Aluura.

					QUARK 
			Go away. I'm in the middle of a 
			meeting.

					ROM 
			But it's important.

					QUARK 
			So's the meeting.

					ROM
			It's about our mother.

					QUARK 
			How many times have I told you not 
			to mention Moogie when I'm...
				(indicating Aluura)
			... you know, working.

					ROM 
			Sorry.
				(proceeding) 
			But I tried contacting her this 
			morning, and I couldn't get 
			through.

	Quark returns his head to Aluura's chest, clearly 
	unperturbed by this news.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - TEASER         4.

3    CONTINUED:

					QUARK 
			She's probably off "visiting" the 
			Grand Nagus.

					ROM 
			I tried the Tower of Commerce. 
			There was no answer there either.

					QUARK 
			They're probably on vacation. Now 
			leave me alone, I'm trying to 
			concentrate.

					ROM 
			Brother, you don't understand.
			I can't get a hold of anyone on 
			Ferenginar. Not Cousin Gaila, not 
			Lek... I tell you, something's 
			very wrong.

	That gets Quark's attention.

					QUARK
				(to Aluura) 
			We'll continue this later. In the 
			meantime, you've got some reading 
			to do.

	Having said what he came to say, Rom finally notices 
	Aluura.

					ROM 
			Hello, Aluura.
				(looking at the PADD) 
			Good book.

	Quark grabs Rom by the elbow.

					QUARK 
			Let's go.

	As Quark leads Rom away, Rom looks back at Aluura.

					ROM
			She's so nice.

					QUARK 
			We'll see.

	And with that, he hustles his brother out of the room.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - TEASER        4A.

4    INT. OPS

	SISKO and KIRA stand at the Ops table with Quark and 
	Rom. WORF and DAX are at their stations.

					SISKO
			A Dominion invasion of Ferenginar?

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit.. " - REV. 3/25/98 - TEASER         5.

4    CONTINUED:

					ROM 
			Think of the terrible 
			repercussions to the Alpha 
			Quadrant.

					WORF 
			I can't think of any.

					KIRA
				(to Quark and Rom) 
			How could the Dominion invade 
			Ferenginar without first 
			conquering the systems surrounding 
			it like Clarus and Irtok?

					ROM
				(to Quark) 
			Brother, did you hear that? 
			They've captured Irtok as well.

					KIRA
			That's not what I said.

					WORF
				(to Sisko) 
			There are no reports of Dominion 
			activity anywhere near that sector.

					QUARK
			Then why can't we get through to 
			Ferenginar?

					ROM
			Moogie, the Nagus, Cousin Gaila...

	Rom buries his head in Quark's shoulder.

					ROM
			... they're all dead.

					QUARK
			We don't know that.
				(to Sisko)
			But something's definitely wrong
			on Ferenginar.

					SISKO
			We'll see what we can find out.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - TEASER         6.

4    CONTINUED:	(2)

					DAX
			Captain, a Ferengi ship is
			approaching the station and
			requesting permission to dock.
				(off her console)
			It's Grand Nagus Zek...
				(to Quark and Rom)
			... and your mother's with him.

					ROM
				(excited)
			They're alive!
				(to Sisko, impressed)
			Nice work.

5    INT. AIRLOCK CORRIDOR

	The airlock door OPENS to reveal GRAND NAGUS ZEK and 
	ISHKA holding hands as they step out of the airlock. 
	Though both Zek and Ishka seem quite jovial and 
	content, MAIHAR'DU, Zek's faithful Hupyrian servant, 
	seems as if he's carrying the weight of the world on 
	his broad shoulders. (Note: the Nagus should NOT be 
	carrying his familiar cane.)

					ZEK
			Quark! Rom!

	PULL BACK TO REVEAL Quark and Rom waiting for them.

					ZEK
			It's good to see you boys.

					QUARK
			It's good to see you, too, Nagus.

	Rom rushes up to hug his mother.

					ROM
			Moogie! I was so worried...

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - TEASER         7.

5    CONTINUED:

					ISHKA
				(to Rom)
			You're a good son.

					QUARK
			I was worried, too.

					ISHKA
				(to Quark)
			And you're a good liar.

	Rom suddenly realizes something:

					ROM
			Moogie... do you think it's a good
			idea to be wearing clothes in
			public?

					QUARK
			He's right. What if one of my
			Ferengi waiters sees you?

					ISHKA
			I hope they do. Tell them, Zekkie.

					ZEK
			No, you go right ahead, my dear.

					ISHKA
				(insisting)
			It should really come from you.

					QUARK
				(impatient)
			Would somebody please tell me
			what's going on?

					ISHKA
			It's one of those good-news-bad-
			news type of things...
				(nudging Zek)
			Give them the good news first.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - TEASER         8.

5    CONTINUED:	(2)

					ZEK 
			If you insist. Three days ago, 
			I added a new amendment to the 
			Ferengi Bill of Opportunities 
			giving females the right to wear 
			clothes.

					ROM
				(shocked) 
			In public?

					ISHKA 
			Anywhere we want.

					QUARK 
			That can't be the good news. If 
			Ferengi females can wear clothes 
			in public, they can leave their 
			homes. If they can leave their 
			homes, they can go to work. If 
			they can go to work, they can make 
			profit.

					ISHKA 
			What's the matter, Quark? Afraid 
			of a little competition?

					QUARK
				(to Zek) 
			You're sure that's the good news?

					ROM
				(smiling) 
			It sounds good to me.

					ISHKA
				(to Quark, re: Rom) 
			Now do you see why I like him best?

					ZEK 
			Face it, Quark. It's good 
			business. For thousands of years, 
			Ferenginar has allowed a valuable 
			resource to go to waste.

					QUARK 
			Females? A valuable resource?

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - TEASER        8A.

5    CONTINUED:	(3)

					ZEK 
			They make up fifty-three point 
			five percent of the population and 
			contribute virtually nothing to 
			the gross planetary income. I say 
			it's time they started pulling 
			their own weight.

					QUARK 
			You better tell me the bad 
			news -- it might cheer me up.

					ISHKA 
			I doubt it.

					ZEK 
			The moment fully clothed females 
			began appearing on the streets of 
			Ferenginar, financial chaos 
			erupted all over the planet.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - TEASER         9.

5    CONTINUED:	(4)

					ROM 
			That explains the communications 
			blackout.

					ZEK 
			There was so much buying and 
			selling throughout the Alliance 
			that the entire planetary 
			communications grid shut down.

					QUARK 
			If there's trouble on Ferenginar, 
			what are you doing here?

					ZEK 
			I've been deposed. I'm no longer 
			Grand Nagus.

					QUARK 
			Then who is?

					ISHKA 
			Who do you think?

					QUARK
				(the light dawns)
			Brunt.

					ROM
				(a horrifying thought) 
			Grand Nagus Brunt?

					ZEK 
			Acting Grand Nagus Brunt.

					ROM
				(to Quark) 
			Brother -- we're in trouble now. 
			Brunt hates us.

					ISHKA 
			Don't start panicking. The 
			Ferengi Commerce Authority hasn't 
			confirmed him yet.

					ZEK 
			And they won't for three more days.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - TEASER        10.

6    ANGLE ON ZEK

	as he puts his arms around Quark and Rom.

					ZEK
				(nodding) 
			Boys, together we're going to 
			reconquer an empire.
				(a beat) 
			Or die in the attempt.

	And as the Nagus's words sink in, we:

									FADE OUT.

                         END OF TEASER                          

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT ONE       11.
                            ACT ONE                             

	FADE IN:

	(NOTE: Episode credits fall over opening scenes)

7    INT. QUARK'S QUARTERS

	Quark leads the Nagus, Ishka, and Maihar'du into the room.

					ISHKA 
			What lovely quarters you have, 
			Quark.
				(a beat)
			Small, but lovely.

					ZEK
				(a pronouncement) 
			As of this moment, I declare this 
			site to be the headquarters of the 
			sole legitimate government of 
			Ferenginar.

	Maihar'du starts CLAPPING enthusiastically, then stops 
	when he realizes no one else is joining in.

					QUARK 
			I still can't believe Brunt is the 
			new Nagus.

					ZEK 
			Acting Nagus.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT ONE       12.

7    CONTINUED:

					QUARK 
			For three more days. Then it 
			becomes official.

					ZEK 
			I'm not worried. I have a secret 
			weapon.

	Zek puts his arm around Moogie.

					ZEK 
			Your mother. Now listen 
			closely -- one, we contact every 
			F.C.A. Commissioner and invite 
			them to the station for a meeting. 
			Two, Ishka runs the meeting.

					QUARK
				(dry) 
			They'll love that.

					ZEK 
			Maybe not at first, but she'll win 
			them over. Using her vast 
			financial knowledge and keen 
			instinct for profit, she'll 
			prove -- once and for all -- that 
			allowing females to wear clothing 
			is the first step toward a 
			healthier and more prosperous 
			Ferengi economy. And three... 
				(a beat) 
			What was three again, my dear?

					ISHKA 
			The F.C.A. Commissioners reinstate 
			you as Nagus.

					ZEK 
			And you can't ask for a happier 
			ending than that.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT ONE       13.

7    CONTINUED:	(2)

					ISHKA 
			But that's only the beginning, 
			lobekins. I predict that one day, 
			a female will enter the Tower of 
			Commerce, climb the forty flights 
			of stairs to the Chamber of 
			Opportunity, and take her rightful 
			place as Grand Nagus of the 
			Ferengi Alliance.

	The Nagus and Quark exchange a look of uneasiness.

					QUARK 
			Don't look at me -- it was your 
			amendment.

8    ANGLE ON THE DOOR

	as it OPENS to REVEAL Rom, LEETA and NOG. Rom proudly 
	leads them into the room.

					ROM 
			Nagus -- you remember my son, Nog, 
			don't you? He's the first Ferengi 
			to join Starfleet.

					ZEK 
			I'll try not to hold that against 
			him.

					ROM 
			And this is my wife, Leeta.

					LEETA 
				(to Zek) 
			I've heard so much about you.

	Zek finds Leeta very attractive.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT ONE        14.

8    CONTINUED:

					ZEK
			Would you like to hear more?

	Ishka sidles up to Zek.

					ISHKA
			Remember -- she's Rom's wife.

					ZEK
			Meaning what?

					ISHKA
			Meaning she's broke.

					ZEK
			She doesn't look broke to me.

					ISHKA
				(a warning)
			Zekkie...

					ZEK
			Just having a little harmless fun,
			my sweet.
				(all business)
			Quark, you and your brother, get
			rid of some of this furniture.
				(to Nog)
			You, get three subspace transceivers
			off my ship and set them up in here.
				(to Maihar'du)
			And where's my beetle snuff?

	Maihar'du, having anticipated the request, hands Zek 
	the beetle snuff right away.

9    CLOSE ON ZEK

	as Quark, Rom and Nog go to carry out their orders.

					ZEK
			Grand Nagus Brunt... baaah!

	Zek takes a pinch of the snuff and SNEEZES violently.

10   INT. QUARK'S QUARTERS - LATER

	All of Quark's furniture has been removed, replaced by 
	three desktop monitors at which sit Quark, Rom and Nog.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT ONE       15.

11   CLOSE ON QUARK

	speaking to the monitor. (NOTE: Throughout this 
	sequence, we never see the people being spoken to on 
	the monitors.)

					QUARK 
			Good afternoon, I'm calling on 
			behalf of Grand Nagus Zek...

12   TRUCK OVER TO ROM

	speaking to his monitor.

					ROM 
			The Nagus summons you to a meeting 
			here on Deep Space Nine...

13   ENDING UP ON NOG

	speaking to his monitor.

					NOG 
			He's counting on your support.

									CUT TO:

14   CLOSE ON QUARK

					QUARK 
			You'll be presented with some very 
			interesting financial data...

15   CLOSE ON ROM

					ROM
			... there's profit to be earned...

16   CLOSE ON NOG

					NOG
			... and the Nagus wants you to 
			share in these lucrative 
			opportunities...

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT ONE       16.

17   ON ROM

					ROM
			Yes, I'm talking about the Grand
			Nagus --

18   ON QUARK

					QUARK
			No, not Brunt --

19   ON NOG

					NOG
			-- Grand Nagus Zek.

20   ON QUARK

					QUARK
			Who said he was dead?

21   ON ROM

					ROM
			Wait -- don't end the transmission!

22   ON NOG

					NOG
			Hello? Hello?
				(to himself)
			Where'd he go?

23   ON ROM

					ROM
			I'm calling on behalf of Grand
			Nagus Zek --

24   ON QUARK

					QUARK
			I know all about the ninety-fourth
			Rule of Acquisition --

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT ONE       17.

25   ON NOG

					NOG
			I know... "Females and finances
			don't mix," but that can be 
			interpreted in many different 
			ways...

26   ON QUARK

					QUARK
			Hello? Hello?

27   ON ROM

					ROM
			That's not a very nice thing to 
			say about the Nagus.

28   ON QUARK

					QUARK
				(taken aback) 
			I beg your pardon!

29   ON NOG

					NOG
			There's no need to be insulting.

30   ON ROM

					ROM
			Hello? Hello?

31   ON QUARK

					QUARK 
			That female happens to be my 
			mother!

32   ON NOG

					NOG
			Hello? Hello?

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT ONE       18.

33   ON ROM

					ROM 
			Hello? Hello?

34   ON QUARK

					QUARK 
			Hello? Hello?

									SMASH CUT TO:

35   INT. QUARK'S

	CLOSE ON Grand Nagus Zek.

					ZEK
				(holding a PADD) 
			Are you sure you contacted every 
			Commissioner on this list?

36   ANGLE TO INCLUDE QUARK, ROM AND NOG

	They're all exhausted and seated at the bar as 
	Maihar'du serves them drinks. Ishka stands near the 
	Nagus.

					QUARK 
			All four hundred and thirty-two 
			of them.

					ZEK 
			And you could only convince 
			one of them to attend the meeting?

					ROM 
			Maybe if we made some follow-up 
			calls...

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT ONE       19.

36   CONTINUED:

					ZEK
				(re: the list) 
			I helped every one of those people 
			earn a fortune -- and this is how 
			they repay me?

					NOG 
			What a bunch of ingrates.

					ISHKA 
			The news isn't all bad.

	Everyone turns to look at Moogie.

					ISHKA 
			The Commissioner who's agreed to 
			come... it's Nilva.

					QUARK 
			The Chairman of Slug-o-Cola?

	Ishka smiles as she nods.

					ISHKA 
			He's a very influential voice 
			within the F.C.A.

					ZEK 
			Unfortunately, he's a very 
			influential voice for the status 
			quo.


					ROM
				(agreeing) 
			I don't think Slug-o-Cola has 
			changed their advertising slogan 
			in three hundred years.

					ZEK/ISHKA/ROM/QUARK 
			"Drink Slug-o-Cola -- the slimiest 
			cola in the galaxy."

					QUARK
			Why would Nilva agree to come to 
			the meeting?

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT ONE       20.

36   CONTINUED:	(2)

					ISHKA
			I don't know. But if I can
			convince him to support Zek, other
			Commissioners might follow.

					ZEK
			It's a start.

					ISHKA
			See? I told you it was too early
			to panic.

	Quark, Rom, Zek and Maihar'du sigh with collective 
	relief.

					BRUNT (O.S.)
			Care to place a wager on that?

37   NEW ANGLE

	as BRUNT, holding the Nagus's gold-headed staff, ENTERS 
	and approaches the group.

	He's followed by URI'LASH, a Hupyrian servant every bit 
	as tall and broad as Maihar'du.

					ROM
			Grand Nagus Brunt...

					ZEK
			Acting Grand Nagus Brunt.

38   ANGLE ON ISHKA

	as the smile has disappeared from her lips.

					ISHKA
			Now you can panic.

	And on the their expressions of doom, we:

									FADE OUT.

                        END OF ACT ONE                          

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT TWO       21.
                            ACT TWO                             

	FADE IN:

39   INT. QUARK'S

	As before. Brunt leans on the bar.

					BRUNT
				(to Quark)
			I'll take an Eelwasser. No ice.

	Quark, who has been worriedly cleaning the bar with a 
	cloth, begins to fill Brunt's order. In the 
	background, Brunt's servant, Uri'lash, storms around 
	the bar to be met by Maihar'du. The two Hupyrians 
	square off, eyeball-to-eyeball. (Note: these two will 
	stay in this threatening posture throughout the scene.)

					ZEK
			What're you doing here, Brunt?

					BRUNT
			That's Grand Nagus Brunt.

					ISHKA
			Acting Grand Nagus.

	Brunt shies his eyes away from Ishka.

					BRUNT
			Would someone please tell that
			female to take off those
			clothes -- it's disgusting.

	Ishka positions herself into Brunt's line of vision.

					ISHKA
				(re: her clothes)
			Get used to it, limp lobes. This
			is the future.

					BRUNT
			Over my dead body.

					ZEK
			If that's what it takes.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT TWO       22.

39   CONTINUED:

					ROM 
			I don't suppose you're here to
			reminisce about the time you 
			helped my brother and I rescue 
			Moogie from the Dominion.

					BRUNT 
			You're right. That's not why I'm 
			here.
				(a malicious smile) 
			Though I do find it ironic that 
			helping to rescue your mother was 
			the first step on my road to 
			becoming Nagus.

					ISHKA 
			Don't remind me.

					ZEK
				(to Brunt) 
			I never should've given you your 
			job back with t'he F.C.A.

					BRUNT
				(gleeful) 
			But you did. And as a Liquidator, 
			I was able to bribe my way back 
			into a position of power.

					ROM
				(finally getting it) 
			That is ironic.

					BRUNT 
			Face it, Zek, it's over. You're 
			finished. Bankrupt.
				(with finality) 
			I'm going to liquidate you.

	Brunt turns to Maihar'du, still locked in a stare-down 
	with Uri'lash. Quark shows up with an Eelwasser.

					BRUNT 
			Cancel that Eelwasser and get me 
			a Slug-o-Cola instead.
				(pointed) 
			On second thought, I'll just wait 
			for Chairman Nilva to get here. 
			I'm sure he'll be happy to provide 
			his new Nagus with all the Slug-o-
			Cola I can drink.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT TWO       23.

39   CONTINUED:	(2)

	That gets everyone's attention.

					ROM 
			How did you know Nilva was coming 
			here?

					BRUNT
			Because it's my business to know.
				(to Zek) 
			Go ahead, have your little 
			"meeting." Whatever you offer 
			Nilva, I'll double it.

	That knocks the wind out of everyone's sails. Quark 
	makes a quick decision:

					QUARK
				(to Brunt) 
			That's it. Get out of my bar.

					BRUNT 
			You dare to threaten your Nagus.

					QUARK
			Acting Nagus. You may liquidate 
			us tomorrow, but right now, this 
			is still my establishment. Now 
			get out before I kick you out.

	Brunt and Quark are face to face, staring each other 
	down.

					BRUNT 
			I'm going to make you a pauper.

					QUARK
				(to Uri'lash) 
			Out.

	Brunt breaks the moment by turning to the bar and 
	calling out:

					BRUNT 
			Uri'lash. We're leaving. Say 
			good-bye to all these poor 
			people.

	Imperiously, Brunt EXITS, followed by Uri'lash.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT TWO       24.

40   ANGLE ON ZEK

	stepping up to Quark.

					ZEK 
			My boy, I'm proud of you.

					ISHKA 
			So am I.

					ROM 
			Me, too.

	Even Maihar'du steps up and lightly pats Quark on the 
	top of the head. But Quark looks anything but 
	triumphant.

					QUARK 
			I just threw the Grand Nagus out 
			of my bar.

					ZEK/ISHKA/ROM 
			Acting Grand Nagus.

					QUARK 
			Whatever.
				(a beat)
			I need to lie down.

	And off this moment, we go to --

41   INT. ROM'S QUARTERS

	And indeed, a depressed Quark is lying down on Rom's 
	couch when Ishka ENTERS, smiling.

					ISHKA 
			You busy, Quark?

					QUARK
			Busy? Me? Nah. I'm just lying 
			here wondering if it's not too 
			late for me to start a new life 
			somewhere.

					ISHKA 
			Oh, Quark, there's nothing wrong 
			with your life.
				(clapping her hands) 
			Come on, on your feet. Zekkie's 
			waiting for you at the bar.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT TWO       25.

41   CONTINUED:

					QUARK
				(worried). 
			Now what?

					ISHKA
				(matter of fact) 
			He feels like playing a game of 
			tongo.

					QUARK 
			We're all facing banishment from 
			Ferengi society and he wants to 
			play tongo?

					ISHKA 
			He wants to play tongo, I want to 
			have a late night snack, you want 
			to lie here feeling sorry for 
			yourself -- we all deal with 
			stress in different ways.
					(looking around)
			Any fresh tube grubs around?

					QUARK 
			How can you eat at a time like 
			this?

					ISHKA 
			It's simple. You put one end of 
			the tube grub between your front 
			teeth, and suck 'em right up.

	Quark gets up and building a head of steam, steps over 
	to a cabinet.

					QUARK 
			You want tube grubs? Fine.

	Quark opens the cabinet and grabs a jar of tube grubs 
	and thrusts it at his mother.

					QUARK 
			Here. Enjoy.

	Ishka opens up the jar, disappointed.

					ISHKA 
			These are minced. I wanted fresh.

	Quark can't hold his feelings back any longer.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT TWO       26.

41   CONTINUED:	(2)

					QUARK 
			You know this is all your fault.

					ISHKA 
			It's my fault you don't have fresh 
			tube grubs?

					QUARK
			I'm not talking about tube grubs. 
			I'm talking about Ferengi females 
			wearing clothes and earning 
			profit. I'm talking about Grand 
			Nagus Brunt.

					ISHKA 
			Acting Grand Nagus Brunt.

					QUARK 
			You're not fooling me, Moogie. 
			You've been plotting this all 
			along. Ever since you met Zek, 
			you've been working on him. 
			Manipulating him. Whispering 
			things in his ear... things like --
				(disgusted) 
			-- "equality for females."

					ISHKA
				(rising anger)
			What's wrong with that?

					QUARK 
			I'll tell you what's wrong -- 
			you've ruined Zek's life, your 
			life, Rom's life --

					ISHKA 
			As if you cared about any of us. 
			It's your life you're worried 
			about.

					QUARK 
			You bet I'm worried. No one else 
			seems to care what happens to me! 
			You come here to my station, take 
			over my quarters, make me a part 
			of your subversive schemes --

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT TWO       27.

41   CONTINUED:	(3)

					ISHKA 
			What's the matter, Quark? Afraid 
			you've picked the wrong side? You 
			can always go crawling to 
			Brunt -- beg his forgiveness.

					QUARK 
			I don't want anything to do with 
			Brunt. I want my old Nagus 
			back... I want Zek to be the way 
			he used to be -- before he met 
			you... before you twisted his 
			thinking with your feminine wiles.

	Quark's words hit their mark.

					ISHKA 
			Before he met me, Zek was a 
			lonely, unhappy man.

					QUARK 
			But he was rich. He was the most 
			powerful Ferengi alive. Now what 
			is he? A puppet. And you're the 
			one pulling his strings. Making 
			him dance to your evil, feminist 
			tune. You're the worst thing that 
			ever happened to him. You're the 
			worst thing that ever happened to 
			me. In fact, you're the worst 
			thing that ever happened to the 
			entire Ferengi Alliance.

	Ishka's anger boils to the surface. As Ishka speaks, 
	her body quivers as if she's too angry to get the words 
	out.

					ISHKA 
			Maybe I am, but at least I'm not 
			like you. A selfish, spineless, 
			ungrateful...

	Ishka stops, her hand still pointed accusingly at Quark.

					QUARK
			Is that the best you can do?

					ISHKA 
			You are... you are... you really 
			are... you... you... you...

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT TWO       28.

41   CONTINUED:	(4)

					QUARK 
			Go ahead and say it!

					ISHKA
			You...

	Suddenly her voice cracks, her eyes widen, and with a 
	look of total surprise on her face, she falls back like 
	a plank onto the floor.

42   ANGLE ON QUARK

	whose anger has instantly dissipated, quickly 
	approaches his mother's body.

					QUARK 
			Moogie?

	A beat as Ishka doesn't respond.

					QUARK 
			Moogie?
				(guilty) 
			Uh-oh.

43   INT. INFIRMARY

	A solemn Quark is seated beside a quietly seething Zek. 
	Maihar'du stands near his employer, clearly worried 
	that Zek is about to blow his top. Meanwhile, a 
	distraught Rom paces around the room.

					ROM
				(feeling her pain) 
			Moogie... please don't die.

				QUARK
				(trying to convince
				himself)
			She's not going to die. She's
			going to get better.

					ZEK 
			I hope so. For her sake, for my 
			sake, for the sake of the entire 
			Ferengi Alliance...

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT TWO       29.

43   CONTINUED:

					ZEK (Cont'd)
				(a threat)
			... but most of all, I hope she
			gets better for your sake, Quark.
			Because if she doesn't...

					QUARK
			What did I do?

					ZEK 
			That's exactly the question I keep 
			asking myself -- what did you do 
			to her?

					QUARK 
			I told you, she said she was 
			hungry and I gave her some tube 
			grubs. She thanked me then she 
			collapsed.
				(with feeling) 
			I wish you'd stop making me relive 
			it.

					ROM 
			Are you sure you didn't do or say 
			anything that might've upset her?

					QUARK 
			I don't want to talk about it 
			anymore.

					ZEK 
			What's the matter, Quark? Your 
			conscience bothering you?

					QUARK 
			I haven't done anything wrong!

					BASHIR (O.S.)
			That's not what your mother says.

44   NEW ANGLE

	as DOCTOR BASHIR ENTERS from the examination room. 
	Everyone gets up to meet him.

					ROM
			Doctor, how's Moogie?

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT TWO       30.

44   CONTINUED:

					QUARK
				(anxious) 
			Will she live?

					BASHIR 
			She'll live. She needed a new 
			heart and it's functioning 
			normally. But she's going to need 
			complete rest for a few days.
				(re: Quark) 
			And that means keeping her far 
			away from him.

	Before Quark can answer, Zek jumps in to ask:

					ZEK
			And why is that, doctor?

					BASHIR 
			I'm not sure exactly. All I know 
			is that Ishka keeps repeating the 
			same phrase over and over -- "It's 
			all Quark's fault. It's all 
			Quark's fault."

	All eyes turn to Quark.

					QUARK
				(the bold denial) 
			I wonder what she means by that?

	But no one's buying it and Quark knows it.

45   INT. QUARK'S

	A minimal crowd. Zek and Rom are at the bar listening 
	to Quark unburden his soul.

					QUARK
			... and then I accused her of being 
			the worst thing that ever happened 
			to the Ferengi Alliance and she 
			clutched her chest and collapsed.
				(a beat) 
			Moogie and I argue all the 
			time -- it's our way of showing 
			affection.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT TWO       31.

45   CONTINUED:

					ZEK 
			Well, if you ask me, Quark -- the 
			worst thing that ever happened to 
			the Ferengi Alliance is you.

					QUARK
			I'm sorry.

					ROM 
			I suppose we should contact Nilva 
			and tell him the meeting has to 
			be postponed.

					ZEK 
			We can't postpone the meeting. 
			In two days, the F.C.A. is going 
			to confirm Brunt as the new Grand 
			Nagus.

	A long beat as they think this over.

					ROM 
			Boy, when things go wrong...

					BRUNT (O.S.)
			... the only thing to do is get 
			down on your knees and beg for 
			mercy.

46   NEW ANGLE

	to include Brunt and Uri'lash, who've just come down 
	from the holosuites, looking very pleased with 
	themselves.

					BRUNT 
			Who knows? You might find me in 
			a charitable mood.

					ZEK 
			By the time I'm through with you, 
			you're the one who's going to need 
			charity.

					BRUNT 
			Such brave words, yet so empty. 
				(to the brothers) 
			I was very relieved to hear that 
			your mother is going to be all 
			right.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT TWO       32.

46   CONTINUED:

					BRUNT (Cont'd) 
				(to Zek) 
			Of course, that's not going to do 
			you much good. Nilva will be 
			arriving tonight expecting to meet 
			a "brilliant" Ferengi female. Do 
			you know any -- I mean besides 
			Ishka? I certainly don't.

	Zek tries to get up from his seat and lunge at Brunt, 
	but Maihar'du holds him back.

					BRUNT 
			How pitiful. One day you're the 
			Grand Nagus of the Ferengi 
			Alliance, the next you're nothing 
			but a common barroom brawler. 
				(to Quark and Rom)
			See what happens when you put your 
			faith in a female?

	And with that, Brunt and Uri'lash walk off.

47   ANGLE ON QUARK, ZEK AND ROM

	sinking into deeper depression.

					ROM
			What about Leeta?

					QUARK 
			What about her?

					ROM 
			Maybe she can meet with Nilva. 
			She handles my finances and she's 
			a female.

					ZEK 
			And a very beautiful one at that. 
			But Nilva's expecting to meet with 
			a Ferengi female.

					QUARK
			We'll never get one here in time.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT TWO       33.

47   CONTINUED:

					ROM 
			We're doomed.

					ZEK
				(shaking his head) 
			No, we're not. You think Ishka 
			would give up if she were here?

					ROM 
			If she were here, we wouldn't have 
			a problem.

					ZEK 
			That's not the point. Your mother 
			would never accept defeat. If she 
			couldn't find another female, 
			she'd... she'd...
				(thinking) 
			she'd...

					ROM 
			She'd what?

					ZEK
				(triumphant) 
			She'd make one!

	Neither Quark nor Rom know what he's talking about.

					QUARK 
			You mean a hologram?

					ZEK
			Better than a hologram.

	Quark and Rom still grasp for the answer.

					QUARK 
			What could be better than a 
			hologram?

					ZEK 
			You.

	And off Quark's look of surprise and growing 
	apprehension, we go to --

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT TWO       34.

48   INT. INFIRMARY

	Once again Rom paces the room while the Nagus waits 
	patiently, Maihar'du standing nearby.

					ROM
			He's been in there an awfully long
			time.

					ZEK
			It's a delicate procedure.

					ROM
				(thinking it over)
			I'll say.

49   NEW ANGLE

	as Bashir emerges from surgery, still wearing his 
	surgical gown.

					ROM
			Doctor -- what is it? Did
			something go wrong?

					BASHIR
				(thoughtful)
			That depends how you look at it.

					ZEK
			The operation -- was it a success?

					BASHIR
			I suppose you could say that.

					ZEK
			That's good.

					BASHIR
				(not convinced)
			I hope so.

	Bashir calls back through the doorway.

					BASHIR
			You can come out now.

50   ANOTHER ANGLE

	After a beat, Quark, wearing a surgical gown, steps out 
	into the room.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT TWO       35.

50   CONTINUED:

	His lobes are smaller, more petite; his chest larger 
	and more feminine; in short, Quark has been surgically 
	altered to resemble a Ferengi female.

					ROM 
			Brother, you look... beautiful.

	Quark starts WEEPING uncontrollably.

					BASHIR 
			He's a little emotional... his 
			endocrine system needs some time 
			to adjust to its new hormonal 
			balance.

	Quark WEEPS even harder.

					BASHIR 
			He'll be all right in a few 
			minutes. Now if you'll excuse me, 
			I have to go figure out how I'm 
			going to enter this into my 
			medical log.

	Bashir EXITS, leaving Zek, Rom and Maihar'du to stand 
	there watching Quark weep.

50A  CLOSE ON QUARK

	as he looks at his fellow Ferengi. When Quark speaks, 
	his voice pitch wavers wildly -- from low to high and 
	high to low.

					QUARK 
			Does anyone have a handkerchief?

	Maihar'du tentatively hands him a handkerchief. Quark 
	takes it gingerly and dabs his tears.


					QUARK 
			Where are my clothes? I want to 
			go back to my quarters.

	Zek nods to Maihar'du, who lifts up a gift box.

					ZEK 
			Try this on.

	The Nagus opens the box and takes out a Ferengi dress 
	which he holds up for Quark to see.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT TWO       36.

50A  CONTINUED:

	Quark takes one look at the dress and starts BAWLING again.

					ROM
			Must be the wrong size.

	And off this moment, we:

									FADE OUT.

                        END OF ACT TWO                          

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT THREE      37.
                           ACT THREE                            

	FADE IN:

52   INT. ROM'S QUARTERS

	Rom, Leeta and Maihar'du are hovering around Quark, 
	obscuring him from view. Zek is seated to one side, 
	watching the "preparations". (NOTE: Quark's voice 
	continues to fluctuate between high and low, low and high.)

					QUARK (O.S.)
				(masculine voice)
			Oww! That hurts.

					LEETA
			Oh, don't be such a baby. They're
			just earrings.

					QUARK (O.S.)
				(feminine voice)
			They're heavy.

					ROM
			You'll get used to them.

					QUARK (O.S.)
			I hope not.

					LEETA
			Would you stop doing that.

					QUARK (O.S.)
			Doing what?

					LEETA
			Looking down. Now hold still, I'm
			almost done.
				(a beat)
			There.

	Rom, Leeta and Maihar'du step back REVEALING Quark to
	Zek (and to us.) Quark is dressed in full Ferengi 
	female regalia.

					QUARK
				(needing reassurance)
			How do I look?

					LEETA
			You look... nice.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT THREE      38.

52   CONTINUED:

					QUARK
			Nice? That's all?

					ROM
				(sincere)
			Very nice.

	Quark looks over to Maihar'du, who nods confirmation.

					ZEK
			You may look like a female but
			you've got to do something about
			that voice.

					QUARK
				(low)
			I'm trying.
				(then high)
			I mean I'm trying.

					ZEK
			Well, try harder.

	Quark nods as he looks at his chest again.

					LEETA
			And stop looking down.

					QUARK
			I need to see what I look like.
			Someone get me a mirror.

	Maihar'du has anticipated the request and rolls in a 
	full-length mirror.

53   ANGLE ON-QUARK

	as he stares at his reflection.

					ROM
			You see, brother? You're lovely.

	A beat, then Quark breaks into tears.

					LEETA
			There go his hormones again.

					ROM
			You mean, her hormones.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT THREE      39.

53   CONTINUED:

	Quark's SOBS increase, his shoulders shaking. 
	Maihar'du offers him a handkerchief to wipe his eyes. 
	As Quark wipes away the tears, he looks down to his 
	chest and his sobs turn into a HAPPY CHUCKLE. But then 
	after a moment, he looks up at the others and begins 
	SOBBING again.

					QUARK
				(re: the mirror)
			Take it away, take it away.

	Maihar'du does as instructed as Quark tries to get 
	control of himself.

					QUARK
			I'm sorry. It's just that I feel 
			so...
				(looking at his chest)
			... different..

					LEETA 
			Would you stop staring at your 
			chest.

					QUARK
			I wasn't staring at my chest -- 
			I was staring at my hips. Aren't 
			they too big?

					ZEK 
			Your hips are fine. Now let's get 
			down to business.

	Zek takes out a PADD and offers it to Quark.

					ZEK 
			These are your mother's notes for 
			her meeting with Nilva. Study 
			them carefully.

					QUARK
				(off the PADD) 
			"Female apparel -- a new source 
			of latinum for a new Ferenginar."

	Quark scrolls through the PADD.

					QUARK
			"Hypicate cream -- for smooth skin 
			and healthier profits." 

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT THREE      40.

53   CONTINUED:	(2)

					QUARK (Cont'd)
				(a beat) 
			All these facts and figures... 
			it's too much to remember.

					ZEK 
			Nonsense. You just need a little 
			time to practice your presentation.

	Quark paces the room as he studies the PADD.

					LEETA 
			And while you're at it, you need 
			to practice your walk.

					QUARK
			What's wrong with my walk?

					LEETA 
			You're lumbering.

	Quark breaks into TEARS again.

					QUARK
			This is never going to work.

					ROM
			Don't cry, Brother. Here, let me 
			show you. Watch carefully.

	Rom "walks" across the room.

					ROM 
			You see? It's more of a glide.

					LEETA
				(re: Rom) 
			That's good.

	Rom's confidence is building.

					ROM
				(demonstrating) 
			And when you sit -- be sure your 
			knees are touching. And don't 
			forget to relax your shoulders, 
			but keep your bottom tight.

	Rom sits there quite comfortably, his body language 
	quite feminine. After a long beat, Rom realizes that 
	everyone is looking at him silently.


       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT THREE      41.

53   CONTINUED:	(3)

					ROM 
			What?

					QUARK
				(to the Nagus, re: Rom) 
			He's the one who should be wearing 
			the dress.

					ROM 
			Why me?

	Leeta sits down next to Rom and cuddles him.

					LEETA 
			You're so adorable... and 
			complicated.

					QUARK
				(to Rom) 
			Maybe it's not too late. Come on, 
			I'll take you to Doctor Bashir --

54   NEW ANGLE

	Quark grabs Rom, but Maihar'du blocks his escape.

					ZEK 
			Forget it, Quark. Rom may make 
			a better female than you, but when 
			it comes to business, you're the 
			better Ferengi.

					QUARK
				(to Rom) 
			Looks like your stupidity has 
			saved you again.

					ROM
				(smiling) 
			It comes in handy sometimes.

	Quark looks down at the PADD, begins pacing again.

					QUARK
				(trying to convince
				himself)
			I can do this... its only for one
			meeting. I can be a female for
			one meeting.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT THREE      42.

54   CONTINUED:

					QUARK (Cont'd)
				(to Leeta)
			Can't I?

					LEETA
			Not if you're lumbering.

					QUARK
				(petulant)
			I'll conduct the meeting sitting
			down.

	Quark sits down to demonstrate.

					ROM
			Tighten your bottom.

	Quark struggles to hold back the tears. The Nagus 
	leans over and pats him on the knee.

					ZEK
			I think you're doing wonderfully,
			my dear. I'm proud of you.

	Zek smiles benevolently. Quark looks down at the 
	Nagus's hand, still clutching his knee, then back at 
	the Nagus.

					ZEK
			Sorry.
				(removing his hand)
			You may walk like a man, but you
			make a very attractive female.
				(a beat)
			Confusing, isn't it?


					QUARK
			Not to me.

	He moves farther away on the couch.

55   A NEW ANGLE

	as Nog comes bursting into the room.

					NOG
			He's here -- he's on the station!

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT THREE      43.

55   CONTINUED:

					ZEK 
			Who is?

					NOG 
			Nilva.

					QUARK
			But he's not supposed to arrive 
			until tomorrow.

					ZEK
				(smiling) 
			That Nilva. He's a tricky one. 
			But he makes a good cola.

					ROM 
			What do we do?

	Quark jumps to his feet, alarmed.

					QUARK
				(to Zek) 
			I can't meet Nilva now, I'm still 
			lumbering.

					NOG
				(to Quark, sincere) 
			You look very nice.

					ZEK
				(thinking fast) 
			Nog, I want you to escort the 
			chairman to his quarters. Tell him 
			I'll meet him for dinner tonight.

					NOG 
			What if he asks about Ishka?

					ZEK
				(remaining calm) 
			Tell him that Ishka is sick, but that
			tomorrow he'll be meeting with my 
			other female financial advisor...
				(looking at Quark)
			...Lumba.

					NOG 
			Right.

	Nog hurries out the door.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT THREE      44.

55   CONTINUED:	(2)

					QUARK
				(to Zek) 
			Lumba?

	Zek moves closer to Quark. Rom and Leeta crowd around 
	him as well.

					ZEK
				(to Quark) 
			You'd better start memorizing
			those notes.

					LEETA 
			First, we need to practice your 
			walking.

					ROM 
			And your sitting.

					ZEK 
			And don't forget to work on that 
			voice.

					QUARK
				(getting frustrated) 
			Any other comments?

					ZEK 
			Has anyone ever told you that you 
			have lovely eyes?

	And off Quark's less-than-enthusiastic expression, we:

									FADE OUT.

                       END OF ACT THREE                         

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FOUR       45.
                           ACT FOUR                             

	FADE IN:

56   INT. AIRLOCK CORRIDOR

	The airlock OPENS to REVEAL NILVA, a pugnacious, all-
	business Ferengi carrying a small travel bag over his 
	shoulder. Nog is waiting for him.

					NOG
			Welcome to Deep Space Nine,
			Chairman Nilva.

	Nilva reaches into his bag and pulls out a soda bottle.

					NILVA
				(to Nog)
			Here. Have a Slug-o-Cola.

	A surprised Nog takes the bottle.

					NILVA
			You drink Slug-o-Cola, don't you?

					NOG
			The slimiest cola in the galaxy?
			Doesn't everybody?

					NILVA
			Good boy. Now take me to Zek.

					NOG
			But Zek wanted me to --

					NILVA
				(cutting him off)
			Don't argue with me. Just drink
			your cola and lead the way.

	A worried Nog can only do as he's told; Nilva walks 
	alongside him, maintaining a brisk pace.

57   INT. HABITAT RING CORRIDOR

	Nog and Nilva come around the corner.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FOUR       46.

57   CONTINUED:

					NOG 
			You sure you don't want to stop 
			by your quarters and freshen 
			up?

					NILVA
				(suspicious) 
			Not before I meet this female 
			advisor of Zek's.

	As they turn another corner, they are met by none other 
	than Brunt and Uri'lash.

					BRUNT
				(feigning surprise) 
			Nilva! How nice to see you again.

					NILVA 
			Grand Nagus Brunt.

					NOG 
			Acting Grand Nagus Brunt.

	Brunt holds his cane out for Nilva to kiss, which he 
	does. As Nog goes to kiss the cane, Brunt pulls it 
	away.

					NILVA 
			I had a feeling I might find you 
			here.

					BRUNT 
			I thought after your meeting with 
			Zek, we could have a little chat.

					NILVA
			Of course. But I've really come 
			to meet this... Ishka female.

					BRUNT
				(feigning sympathy) 
			Haven't you heard? Ishka's in the 
			Infirmary. She's in no position 
			to meet anyone.

	Nog quickly steps in with --

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FOUR       47.

57   CONTINUED:	(2)

					NOG 
			Which is why you'll be meeting 
			with another one of Zek's 
			financial advisors. Her name is 
			Lumba.

	This is unwelcome news to Brunt.

					BRUNT 
			Never heard of her.

					NILVA
			Zek has two female advisors?

					BRUNT
				(suspicious) 
			I didn't know there were two 
			Ferengi females on the station.

					NILVA
				(to Nog)
			Well, what are we waiting for? 
			Let's go meet this "other" 
			female.

					NOG
				(thinking on his feet) 
			You're sure you wouldn't like me 
			to show you around the station 
			first?

					NILVA
				(shaking his head) 
			I want to meet Lumba.

	Nog leads Nilva down the corridor. We HOLD ON Brunt, 
	watching them walk away.

					BRUNT 
			Lumba?

58   INT. ROM'S QUARTERS

	Rom, Zek, Leeta and Maihar'du are seated around the 
	room, waiting expectantly.

					LEETA 
			All right, let's try it again.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FOUR       48.

59   ANGLE ON THE BEDROOM DOOR

	from where Quark makes his "grand entrance." He glides 
	across the room without lumbering a step, then sits 
	down next to the Nagus.

					QUARK 
			My name is Lumba. You must be 
			Chairman Nilva. Zek's told me so 
			much about you...

	Quark grimaces, adjusting his earrings.

					LEETA 
			What's wrong now?

					QUARK
				(breaking character) 
			These earrings -- they're killing 
			me. Do I have to wear them?

					ROM 
			No woman is complete without 
			earrings.

	Everyone looks at Rom.

					ROM 
			Why does everyone keep looking at 
			me?

	Quark gets up and heads for the bedroom.

					QUARK 
			I'm going to bed.

					ZEK 
			Now?

					QUARK
				(with finality) 
			I'm exhausted. I've got to get 
			some sleep or I'll never make it 
			through tomorrow's meeting.

	Quark is a few steps from the bedroom door when the 
	front door CHIMES.

					LEETA 
			Who could that be?

					ROM 
			Come in.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FOUR       49.

60   ANGLE ON THE DOOR

	as Nog leads Nilva into the room.

					ZEK 
			Nilva!

					NILVA
			Zek.
				(reaching.into his bag) 
			Have a Slug-o-Cola.
				(to the room) 
			Don't worry, I brought enough for 
			everyone.

	Nilva hands out bottles of the beverage.

					NOG
				(to Zek) 
			He insisted on seeing you 
			immediately.

	Nilva steps over to Quark.

					NILVA 
			You must be Lunga.

					QUARK
				(correcting) 
			Lumba.

					NILVA 
			Of course.
				(looking Quark up and 
				down) 
			A Ferengi female wearing 
			clothes --
				(to Zek)
			-- and with your approval, no 
			less. You've either been inhaling 
			too much beetle snuff or you're 
			the greatest visionary to ever sit 
			atop the Tower of Commerce.

					ZEK
				(clasping his hands) 
			Well, why don't you and I have 
			dinner tonight and try to figure 
			it out. We can go to Quark's and 
			get some nice, juicy snail steaks. 
			You can meet with Lumba tomorrow.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FOUR       50.

60   CONTINUED:

					NILVA 
			I'm afraid that's not possible. 
			I have to leave first thing in the 
			morning. I'm due to attend an 
			important stockholders meeting 
			back on Ferenginar. But snail 
			steaks do sound tempting. Why 
			don't I have dinner with Lumba?

					QUARK
			With me?

					ZEK
				(trying to derail this
				train)
			Won't you feel uncomfortable being
			seen in public with a clothed
			female?

					NILVA 
			Of course I will. But you and I 
			have made a lot of latinum 
			together over the years... I 
			suppose that's worth a little 
			discomfort.
				(with an edge) 
			But Lumba better be all you claim 
			she is or I'll liquidate you 
			myself.
				(to Quark) 
			Let's eat.

	Quark, looking like he's about to walk the last mile, 
	takes a final look at Zek, Rom, Leeta, Nog and 
	Maihar'du.

					ROM
				(cheerful) 
			Have fun.

	And with that, Quark and Nilva EXIT. Quark does his 
	best not to lumber.

61   INT. QUARK'S

	Quark and Nilva make their way toward a corner table. 
	Quark tries to shield his face from the crowd, but he's 
	unsuccessful. As Quark passes by Morn, Morn DROPS his 
	glass in surprise.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FOUR       51.

61   CONTINUED:

	A Ferengi waiter stares mouth-agape at this clothed 
	Ferengi female who looks suspiciously like his boss. 
	Other customers pick up on the striking similarity.

					NILVA
				(misinterpreting all the 
				attention) 
			See how everyone's staring? Even 
			aliens find a clothed Ferengi 
			female shocking.

	Quark and Nilva find a corner table and sit down. A 
	Ferengi waiter approaches.

					NILVA 
			Two snail steaks, lightly seared.

	The waiter nods and walks away, but not without a 
	backward glance at Quark.

					NILVA 
			Tell me something, doesn't wearing 
			all those clothes make you feel 
			like a deviant?

					QUARK
			Not really. And you know why? 
			Because under all these clothes, 
			I'm totally naked.

	Nilva thinks about this for a beat, then smiles.

					NILVA
			I'll try to remember that.
				(a beat) 
			Now, perhaps you'd better explain 
			to me how allowing females to wear 
			clothing is going to make me 
			richer than I already am.

					QUARK
			I was hoping you were going to ask 
			me that. You see this dress I'm 
			wearing? Have you any idea how 
			much it would sell for on 
			Ferenginar?

	Off Nilva's intrigued express, CAMERA TILTS UP to see
	Zek, Rom, Leeta, Nog and Maihar'du spying on Nilva and 
	Quark from across the room on the second level of 
	Quark's.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FOUR         

62   CLOSER ANGLE

	on the eavesdroppers. The three Ferengis nod their 
	approval -- obviously, their enhanced hearing allows 
	them to make out what's been said at Quark's table. 
	On the other hand, Leeta and Maihar'du can't hear a 
	thing.

					LEETA 
			Would someone please tell me what 
			they're saying.

					ZEK/ROM/NOG 
			Shhh.

									TIME CUT:

63   ANGLE ON QUARK AND NILVA

	finishing their meal.

					NILVA
			... let me see if I understand. 
			Giving females the right to wear 
			clothes allows them to have pockets. 
			Once they have pockets, 
			they're going to want to fill them 
			with latinum.

					QUARK
			Which means they're going to need 
			jobs.

					NILVA 
			And once they start earning 
			latinum, they're going to want to 
			spend it.

					QUARK
			Which means Ferenginar will be 
			expanding its work force and its 
			consumer base at the same time.

					NILVA 
				(gleeful) 
			That way there'll be profit for 
			everyone.

					QUARK 
			When it comes to profit, I'm your 
			girl.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FOUR      52A.

63   CONTINUED:

	Quark crosses his legs trying to be as feminine as 
	possible. Nilva smiles.

					QUARK 
			And I'm sure you could use some 
			extra latinum.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FOUR       53.

63   CONTINUED:	(2)

					NILVA 
			Meaning what?

					QUARK
			I read the beverage trades. Sales 
			of Slug-o-Cola have flattened out, 
			while Eelwasser had a very 
			impressive third quarter.

	Nilva shifts uncomfortably in his seat; these are not 
	things he likes to be reminded of.

					NILVA 
			They got lucky, that's all.

					QUARK
			I know a way you can increase Slug-
			o-Cola sales by fifty to sixty 
			percent.

					NILVA
				(leaning forward; 
				intrigued) 
			I'm all ears.

					QUARK 
			Target the new female consumer. 
			Make Slug-o-Cola her drink.

					NILVA 
			Nothing's stopping her from 
			drinking it now.

					QUARK
			But you're not encouraging her 
			either. "The slimiest cola in the 
			galaxy." That kind of slogan 
			doesn't appeal to women.

					NILVA 
			And what would?

					QUARK
				(thinking on his feet) 
			Let me see... Slug-o-Cola contains 
			forty-three percent live algae, 
			right?

					NILVA 
			In every bottle.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FOUR       54.

 63   CONTINUED:	(3)

					QUARK 
			Well, how about something like... 
			"Drink Slug-o-Cola and keep your 
			teeth a sparkling shade of green."

	Nilva immediately sees the possibilities and smiles 
	greedily.

					NILVA 
			Zek was right about you. You're 
			very intelligent.

					QUARK 
			You mean for a female?

					NILVA 
			I think it's time for dessert.

	Quark smiles, everything seems to be going swimmingly 
	right.

					QUARK 
			Good idea.

	Nilva stands up and offers Quark his hand.

					QUARK 
			I thought we were going to have 
			dessert?

					NILVA 
			We are. In my quarters.

	And as it dawns on Quark that he's suddenly in 
	treacherous waters, we go to --

63A  INT. NILVA'S QUARTERS

	The door OPENS to allow Nilva and a very nervous Quark
	to ENTER.

					NILVA 
			Come in, come in. It's so good 
			not to be stared at. 
				(a beat) 
			Although I must admit, I did find 
			it somewhat... stimulating.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FOUR       55.

63A  CONTINUED:

					QUARK 
			You know the Replimat has very 
			tasty desserts.


					NILVA 
			Not as tasty as the one I have in 
			mind. You have the most delicate 
			little lobes. I think I'll start 
			with them.

64   OMITTED

65   ANGLE ON QUARK

	as he realizes that he's Nilva's dessert of choice. 
	And on that, we:

									FADE OUT.

                        END OF ACT FOUR                         

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FIVE       56.
                           ACT FIVE                             

	FADE IN:

66   INT. NILVA'S QUARTERS

	Moments later.

					NILVA 
			I never thought I'd find a clothed 
			female so enticing.

	Nilva starts towards Quark who backs away.

					QUARK 
			I'm not that enticing. What you 
			need is a good night's sleep.

	Quark's back is to the wall.

					NILVA 
			A little oo-mox and I'll sleep like 
			a baby.

	Nilva is about to press his body against Quark's, when
	Quark slips out of his grasp.

					QUARK
			I hear the station has some very 
			nice holosuites...

					NILVA 
			I don't like holosuites.

	Nilva suddenly lunges for Quark, who leaps up off the 
	couch and backs away.

					QUARK 
			Chairman Nilva! What's gotten 
			into you?

					NILVA 
			It's my wife. She hasn't touched 
			my lobes in months!

	Quark gets a table between them. They begin circling 
	it -- first one way, then the other.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FIVE       57.

66   CONTINUED:

					QUARK 
			I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe 
			she's bored -- she probably needs 
			to get out more.

					NILVA 
			I don't want to talk about her. 
			In fact, I don't want to talk at 
			all.

	Nilva makes another lunge at Quark.

					NILVA 
			My lobes burn for you. If you 
			don't believe me, touch them.

					QUARK
			I'll take your word for it.

					NILVA 
			You said you'd do anything for me!

					QUARK
			I lied.

					NILVA 
			But I need you!

					QUARK 
			No, you don't!

					NILVA 
			Come to me, my little love slave.

	Nilva leaps over the table and grabs hold of Quark, 
	pinning him against the wall. Quark struggles to get 
	away.

67   ANGLE ON THE DOOR

	as it OPENS to allow Brunt and Uri'lash to rush in.

					BRUNT 
			Let go of that man!

					QUARK 
			I'm trying.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FIVE       58.

67   CONTINUED:

					NILVA
				(to Brunt) 
			Would you please leave. You're 
			making Lumba nervous.

					BRUNT 
			His name's not Lumba, it's Quark! 
			And he's a male.

					NILVA 
			A male?

	Nilva immediately lets go of Quark.

					BRUNT 
			How pitiful. Zek must be truly 
			desperate.

					NILVA
				(to Quark, clearly 
				disappointed) 
			Is this true? You're a man?

	A long beat as the defeated Quark pulls himself 
	together.

					QUARK 
			Do I look like a man?

					BRUNT 
			Nice try, Quark. But it's not 
			going to work.
				(to Nilva, re: Quark) 
			I tell you, he's the station's 
			bartender.

					QUARK
			Don't believe him, hot lobes. I'm 
			as female as they come and I'll 
			prove it to you.

	Quark grabs Nilva and kisses him -- smack on the lips.

					QUARK 
			Well?

					NILVA
				(looking at Quark) 
			I'm not sure...

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FIVE       59.

67   CONTINUED:	(2)

	Quark SIGHS, deciding to go for broke.

					QUARK
			Oh, all right...

	Quark pulls open his dress and bares his naked body to 
	Nilva. (Note: we shoot this over Quark's back, so that 
	the delights of the naked Ferengi body continue to 
	exist only in the imagination of our audience.)

68   ANGLE ON NILVA


	as his eyes widen at the sight of Quark's nakedness.

					QUARK
			Now are you sure?

					NILVA
			Completely.

					BRUNT
				(pointing at Quark)
			I tell you -- that is not a female!

					NILVA
			She's close enough for me.

	Nilva looks over to Quark, who's modestly holding his
	dress closed around him.

					NILVA 
			Come, my dear, let's go tell Zek 
			that I'm going to do everything 
			in my power to see that he remains 
			Grand Nagus.

					BRUNT
			But why?

					NILVA
			Because that's what Lumba wants.

					BRUNT
				(insistent)
			His name's Quark!

	Nilva looks over at Quark, finally accepting this 
	information. Nilva holds out his arm for Quark.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FIVE       60.

68   CONTINUED:

					NILVA
				(shrugging)
			What's in a name?

	Quark smiles and puts his arm through Nilva's. As he 
	passes Brunt, Quark reaches over and softly strokes 
	Brunt's lobes with his finger.

					QUARK
			What can I say? It was love at
			first sight.

	Brunt reacts to Quark's touch with a mixture of horror 
	and pleasure. And off his confused look, we go to --

69   EXT. SPACE - DEEP SPACE NINE (OPTICAL)

	Re-establishing.

70   INT. QUARK'S

	Quark, once again a Ferengi male, is behind the bar 
	playing with a gem-studded latinum ring that encircles 
	his finger. ODO looks on.

					ODO
			Interesting ring.

					QUARK
			It was a gift.
				(a beat)
			Poor Nilva. He's such a lovely
			man, but so lonely.

					ODO
			Really?

					QUARK
			There's a sweetness to him.
				(a beat)
			And a strength.
				(smiling at the thought)
			Sometimes he gets this little
			glint in his eye...

	Quark stops himself as he notices that Odo is staring 
	at him.

        DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit.. " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FIVE      60A.

70   CONTINUED:

					QUARK
			You know what I mean...

					ODO 
			Not really, but I'm glad you had 
			a pleasant evening.

	Quark, clearly upset at Odo's teasing, bites a knuckle 
	and struggles to hold back tears.

					QUARK 
			You're mocking me, aren't you?

					ODO
				(slightly alarmed) 
			And you're being a little 
			oversensitive.

	Quark nods, trying to regain his composure.

					QUARK
			I've only been male again for six 
			hours. My hormones must still be 
			out of balance. My emotions are 
			raging out of control.

					ODO
			Is there anything I can do?

					QUARK
			Would you mind giving me a hug?

					ODO
				(appalled) 
			A hug?

					QUARK
			Just a small one.

	Odo looks around, no one's watching except Morn who 
	looks on with great interest. Odo stares him down and 
	Morn looks away. Only then does Odo step up to Quark 
	and gingerly takes him into his arms. Quark squeezes 
	him tight.

					QUARK
				(his head buried in
				Odo's shoulder)
			Thank you.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FIVE      60B.

70   CONTINUED:	(2)

					ZEK (O.S.) 
			I hope we're not interrupting 
			anything.

	Odo breaks free and turns to see --

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/598 - ACT FIVE      61.

71   NEW ANGLE

	as Zek, Ishka, Rom and Maihar'du ENTER the bar.

					ZEK 
			We just wanted to say good-bye 
			before we go back to Ferenginar.

					ISHKA 
			Where the rivers run with muck and 
			the streets are swarming with 
			happy females.

					ZEK 
			And where, if everything goes 
			according to plan, the F.C.A. 
			commissioners will once again 
			proclaim me Grand Nagus.

					ROM 
			That would be nice. But Brunt's 
			going to fight you at every turn.

					ZEK 
			I wouldn't have it any other way.

					ISHKA 
			I'm glad we have Nilva on our 
			side. And we have you to thank 
			for that, Quark.

72   ANGLE ON QUARK

	stepping up to his mother.

					QUARK
			Then you forgive me, Moogie?

					ISHKA 
			Of course I do. 
				(a beat) 
			You may be a lousy son, but you 
			made a wonderful daughter. I hope 
			the experience taught you 
			something.

					QUARK
				(nodding)
			It's made me more compassionate...
			empathetic... nurturing.

       DEEP SPACE NINE: "Profit... " - REV. 3/25/98 - ACT FIVE       62.

72   CONTINUED:

					QUARK (Cont'd) 
				(a beat) 
			I feel like I'm trapped in my
			worst nightmare.

					ZEK 
			Don't worry. I'm sure it won't 
			last. You'll be back to your old 
			self in no time.

	Ishka smiles, knowing that Zek is right. She then 
	gives both her boys a kiss on the cheek. And with
	that, Zek, Ishka and Maihar'du EXIT.

73   ANGLE ON QUARK

	looking at his ring with a smile.

					ROM 
			You're so lucky. No man ever gave 
			me a ring.

	Quark stares at Rom. And off that moment, we:

									FADE OUT.

                        END OF ACT FIVE                         
                            THE END