STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE "Little Green Men" #40510-480 Story by Toni Marberry & Jack Trevino Teleplay by Ira Steven Behr & Robert Hewitt Wolfe Directed by James Conway THE WRITING CREDITS MAY NOT BE FINAL AND SHOULD NOT BE USED FOR PUBLICITY OR ADVERTISING PURPOSES WITHOUT FIRST CHECKING WITH THE TELEVISION LEGAL DEPARTMENT. Copyright 1995 Paramount Pictures Corporation. All Rights Reserved. This script is not for publication or reproduction. No one is authorized to dispose of same. If lost or destroyed, please notify the Script Department. Return to Script Department FINAL DRAFT PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORPORATION September 19, 1995 11:[5,#b],19:[1,#b],37:[2,#b] STAR TREK: DS9 "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - CAS STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE "Little Green Men" CAST SISKO WAINWRIGHT KIRA DENNING ODO CARLSON BASHIR NURSE GARLAND DAX QUARK O'BRIEN WORF JAKE ROM NOG MORN Non-Speaking Non-Speaking N.D. SUPERNUMERARIES N.D. MILITARY STAR TREK: DS9 - "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - SETS STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE "Little Green Men" SETS INTERIORS EXTERIORS DEEP SPACE NINE DEEP SPACE NINE QUARK'S PROMENADE/SECOND LEVEL ARMY/AIR CORPS BASE OPS HANGAR NEVADA DESERT EARTH EXAMINING ROOM OBSERVATION ROOM INTERROGATION ROOM FERENGI SHUTTLE STAR TREK: DS9 - "Little Green Men" - 09/20/95 - PRONUNCIATION STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE "Little Green Men" PRONUNCIATION GUIDE GAILA GAY-luh KEMACITE KEY-muh-cite OO-mox OO-machs RIXX ricks DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - TEASER STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE "Little Green Men" TEASER FADE IN: 1 INT. QUARK'S We pan across the bar, which is covered with a collection of Ferengi personal items and knickknacks -- everything from ear-cleaners to pajamas to vials full of the desiccated remains of notable Ferengi. ROM (O.S.) When a young Ferengi goes out on his own, he traditionally raises capital by selling his boyhood treasures. 2 NEW ANGLE To reveal NOG, standing behind the bar, his father ROM at his side. ROM (continuing) As you know, my son Nog will be leaving shortly for Earth and Starfleet Academy. 3 INCLUDE THE REST OF THE BAR To reveal the patrons of the bar and the crew of D.S. Nine standing on the other side of the bar. SISKO, O'BRIEN, KIRA, WORF, DAX, BASHIR and JAKE are all present, along with Morn, several other regulars of Quark's, and a dabo girl. Quark is notably absent. Rom looks over at his son and his eyes mist over. ROM (choking up) I'm going to miss him. And I know you will too. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - TEASER 2. 3 CONTINUED: ROM (Cont'd) And what better way to remember him than to purchase one of his very own personal belongings? (losing it) I don't know about you, but, I'm buying these pajamas. Rom picks up the pajamas and holds them up to his face as he weeps. NOG (to his father) That'll be three strips of latinum. ROM Two. NOG Sold. Rom, still holding Nog's pajamas to his face, pays his son for his purchase. NOG (to the crowd) Let the buying commence. No reasonable offer will be refused. And as the Crowd begins to check the merchandise.... 4 CLOSE ON O'BRIEN AND WORF Who hang back. Worf clearly isn't happy to be here. O'BRIEN Mister Worf, I didn't expect to see you here. WORF Captain Sisko made it a... personal request that I attend. He seems to have taken some interest in the young Ferengi. O'BRIEN The captain sponsored Nog's application to the Academy. WORF A Ferengi at the Academy. I am not sure that is wise. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" -09/19/95 - TEASER 2A. 4 CONTINUED: O'BRIEN I don't know. Not too long ago someone might have said the same thing about you. Just then, Sisko joins them. SISKO You two better hurry or there won't be anything left to buy. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - TEASER 3. 4 CONTINUED: (2) Which Kira and Worf both know is more than just a suggestion. They exchange a look, and then head for the table. 5 NEW ANGLE On Bashir and Dax, picking over the merchandise. BASHIR (holds up an isolinear rod) Nog, what's this? NOG My favorite holosuite program... "A Visit with the Pleasure Goddess of Rixx." Yours for a mere ten strips of latinum. DAX He'll take it. (to Bashir) Consider it a gift. BASHIR (smiles) You're too kind. 6 ANGLE ON KIRA As she picks up a springball racket off the bar. KIRA Nog? where did you get this springball racket? NOG (thinking fast) Out of a replicator? KIRA Try out of my quarters. This is mine. I've been looking for it for two years. Nog reacting like he's never seen it before. NOG (faux amazement) And it was sitting here on the bar all along. That's incredible. Nog makes a quick beeline to the other side of the bar. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - TEASER 4. 7 NEW ANGLE On Worf, who is examining a slim electrical tool with a puzzled expression. Jake looks over at him. JAKE It's a Ferengi tooth sharpener. Worf activates the sharpener and the head of the instrument spins with a sharp whirr. Worf studies it for a beat, then tentatively applies it to one of his teeth. He holds it there for a beat as if trying to decide if he likes it, then removes it and reaches across the bar to grab a passing Nog. WORF (re: tooth sharpener) How much? 8 ANGLE ON THE DOOR As QUARK ENTERS. He takes a look at the crowd gathered around his nephew, then spots Rom, who is proudly watching the sale. Quark grimaces in disgust and then goes to get Rom. QUARK Rom. ROM Brother, you're here. If you hurry, there still might be some choice items left for you to buy. QUARK I'm not here for the sale. Nog has no business going to Starfleet Academy. And I'm not doing anything to encourage him. (a beat) Now come with me. ROM But the sale... QUARK Is over as far as you're concerned. (confidentially) The ship... It's here. ROM What ship? DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - TEASER 5. 8 CONTINUED: QUARK The ship. Our ship. (corrects himself) My ship. The shuttle cousin Gaila owed me. ROM (surprised) He's owed you that shuttle for ten years. QUARK Ever since I loaned him the latinum to start up his munitions consortium. He always said that if he became a success, he'd buy me my own ship. And now it's here. ROM But why do you need me? QUARK Because knowing our cousin, it's probably defective merchandise. ROM (thinks it over for a beat) I'd better have a look at it. QUARK What a wonderful idea. Now get going. Rom reluctantly starts to go, still holding the pajamas. Quark snatches the pajamas out of Rom's hands and flings them aside. QUARK And leave those here. Quark and Rom EXIT. 9 EXT. SPACE - DEEP SPACE NINE (OPTICAL) Establishing. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - TEASER 6. 10 INT. FERENGI SHUTTLE This is a similar ship to the Nagus's personal shuttle. It's small, with barely enough room for three or four Ferengi. Rom pops his head out from inside a panel in the back. Quark is sitting in the pilot's seat, gleefully surveying his property. ROM Brother? At the sound of his brother's voice, Quark seems to deflate. QUARK All right. Tel1 me what's wrong with it. ROM Nothing. The ship is perfect. Gaila must've paid a fortune for it. QUARK You mean, it'll actually fly? ROM This ship could outrun a Romulan interceptor. We could take it halfway across the galaxy before it would even need a maintenance check. QUARK You don't say. Quark looks around at the ship. QUARK And it's all mine. I can go anyplace I want. ROM Maybe it's time you considered that early retirement we talked about. I could take over the bar, and you could fly off into the great unknown. (musing to himself) Never to return. (quick correction) Unless you wanted to. QUARK Don't get your hopes up. (a beat) The first thing we need to do is take this thing for a test flight. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - TEASER 7. 10 CONTINUED: QUARK (Cont'd) Someplace reasonably far away, but perfectly safe... Someplace like... Rom can't believe what he's hearing. Is Quark really offering what he thinks he's offering. ROM Earth? QUARK Exactly. If the boy's going to go to Starfleet Academy, he might as well do it in style. ROM Yes, Brother. Thank you, Brother. I'll go tell Nog. (a beat) A trip to Earth. This is going to be fun. Rom EXITS. QUARK Not to mention profitable. (pats the console) "All I ask is a tall ship... and a load of contraband to fill her with." And as Quark smiles to himself, already thinking of ways to make money with the shuttle, we... FADE OUT. END OF TEASER DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT ONE 8. ACT ONE FADE IN: (NOTE: Episode credits fall over opening scenes) 11 INT. QUARK'S Morn is behind the bar, and Quark is giving him a few last minute instructions. QUARK Here're the codes to operate the holosuites. (hands him an isolinear rod) Now remember, don't extend any lines of credit, don't touch the dabo girls, and make sure you keep your eyes on him... Morn follows Quark's glance and sees... 12 NEW ANGLE ODO, standing by the door, surveying the crowd. QUARK (continuous) Because he'll be keeping his eyes on you. Odo approaches Quark. Morn watches Odo intently, then nods and EXITS. ODO (sarcastic) Good choice, Quark. I'm sure Morn'll do an excellent job, as long as he doesn't drink up all your profits. QUARK (grumbling) Better him than one of the Ferengi waiters. They'd rob me blind. ODO (a beat) Very generous of you... taking Nog to Earth. QUARK I'm a generous person. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 10/09/95 - ACT ONE 9. 12 CONTINUED: ODO So I've noticed. QUARK Try not to miss me too much while I'm gone. ODO (sarcastic) I'll be counting the days until you get back. Quark EXITS. Odo watches him go. 13 INT. PROMENADE - SECOND LEVEL Jake and Nog are standing at their old spot near the crossover bridge, looking down at the passing crowd. JAKE I wonder how many hours you and I spent hanging around up here. NOG Two thousand, one-hundred and forty-seven. Jake looks at Nog in surprise. NOG Just kidding. But it was a lot. JAKE You know, outside of playing Dom-jot and watching the Bajoran transports dock, it seems like we spent most of our time... doing nothing. NOG Maybe so. But I can't think of anyone I'd rather do nothing with than you. JAKE Same here. BASHIR (O.S.) (calling from off screen) Nog. Jake and Nog turn to see O'Brien and Bashir approaching. Bashir is holding a package in his hand. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT ONE 10. 13 CONTINUED: NOG (a warning) Doctor, if you're trying to return something from the sale... O'BRIEN (defending) It's a going-away present. BASHIR To help you get around easier on Earth. Bashir hands him the package. Nog opens it and takes out a PADD. He checks the PADD. NOG A guidebook? O'BRIEN (a little defensive) It's not just a guidebook. It's a completely interactive program detailing Earth's customs, culture, history and geography. BASHIR Everything you ever wanted to know about Earth is right in that PADD. NOG You mean it'll teach me how to attract human females? O'BRIEN Almost everything. NOG (sincere) I'm sure it'll come in handy. Thank you. (a beat) Well, I'd better get going. My father and Uncle Quark are waiting for me. O'BRIEN Good luck, Nog. BASHIR Make us proud. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT ONE 11. 13 CONTINUED: (2) Bashir and O'Brien EXIT. 14 CLOSE ON JAKE AND NOG As they realize this is good-bye. JAKE I'll walk you over to the airlock. Nog and Jake walk a couple of steps, then both turn back and take one last look at their old hangout. JAKE It was a good spot. NOG The best. Jake and Nog EXIT. 15 EXT. SPACE - DEEP SPACE NINE (OPTICAL) Establishing. 16 INT. OPS Kira and Dax are at their stations. Sisko comes out of his office. DAX The Ferengi Shuttle "Quark's Treasure" has departed the station. KIRA Quark, Rom and Nog together on that ship all the way to Earth. (a beat) I'm glad I'm not going with them. SISKO Only one thing worries me. (off reactions, joking) No one warned Earth that they're coming. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men"- REV. 10/09/95 - ACT ONE 12. 16 CONTINUED: Dax doesn't get the irony. Kira smiles. 17 INT. FERENGI SHUTTLE Rom is in the pilot's chair. Quark sits behind him, playing Captain. Nog is off to one side, reading from his guidebook to Earth. NOG (amazed) It says here that humans didn't even have currency until five thousand years ago. Let alone banking, speculative investments or a unified global economy. QUARK They're a primitive, backward people, Nog. Pity them. NOG But think about it, uncle. That means they went from being savages with a simple barter system to the leaders of a vast interstellar Federation in only five thousand years... It took us twice as long to establish the Ferengi Alliance. And we had to buy warp technology from the... QUARK (cuts him off) Five thousand... ten thousand... what's the difference? The speed of technological advancement isn't nearly as important as short-term quarterly gains. (snaps at Rom) Can't this thing go any faster? ROM We're already exceeding the safe maximum cruising speed by two tenths of a warp factor. QUARK (playing Captain) Push it another tenth. This trip is taking long enough as it is. Rom nods. He understands. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT ONE 13. 17 CONTINUED: ROM Relax, Brother. I know kemacite is unstable, but another day or two won't make any difference. QUARK What are you talking about? ROM The shipment of kemacite that you're smuggling in the cargo hold. NOG (surprised) Uncle Quark, you're smuggling kemacite? Isn't that dangerous? ROM (answering for his brother) Dangerous... And highly profitable. Especially if we make a side trip to Orion on the way home from Earth. Quark considers continuing to deny Rom's accusations, but decides it isn't worth the effort. QUARK What tipped you off? ROM When I engaged the impulse engines, I noticed the ship's weight distribution was a little off. So the last time you went to waste extraction... I snuck back to the cargo bay and took a look around. Quark can't believe he's been caught by Rom of all people. QUARK When did you get so smart? ROM I've always been smart, Brother. I've just lacked self-confidence. (a beat) Of course, I could forget everything I saw. QUARK How much? DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT ONE 14. 17 CONTINUED: (2) ROM Twenty percent of the profits. Quark turns on Nog. QUARK And I suppose you'll want a cut, too? NOG As a Starfleet cadet, it's my duty to report any violation of Federation law to my superiors immediately. (smiles) But then again, I haven't been sworn in yet. I'll take ten percent. QUARK (grumbling) It's a deal. (to Rom) I thought I told you to go faster. Rom nods, pleased with the outcome of the conversation. ROM Faster it is. He inputs the command to increase speed. 18 EXT. SPACE (OPTICAL) The Ferengi Shuttle at warp. 19 INT. FERENGI SHUTTLE Time has passed. Quark is asleep in his chair. ROM Brother, wake up. We're approaching Earth's star system. QUARK (eyes still closed, smiles) Take her out of warp. As Rom inputs the commands, Nog comes out from the back compartment. He's holding his PADD. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT ONE 15. 19 CONTINUED: NOG Father, have you ever heard of the Bell Riots? ROM Don't bother me now. NOG But doesn't this Gabriel Bell human look just like Captain Sisko... QUARK (dismissive) All humans look alike. Quark sits up and looks at the instrument panel. QUARK I thought I told you to take us out of warp. Rom continues to input commands. He's starting to look worried. ROM I'm trying, Brother. But the warp core isn't responding. It looks like the command sequencer has been disabled. Rom starts frantically working the controls. ROM I don't understand. I tested everything. The only way this could've happened is... (getting a bad feeling) If the command sequencer was designed to fail. NOG You mean... sabotage. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT ONE 16. 19 CONTINUED: (2) As soon as the word is out of Nog's mouth, Quark sees exactly what's occurred. QUARK (bitter) Cousin Gaila. NOG He never did like you very much, Uncle. QUARK Okay, okay. No need to panic. So the warp drive won't shut down. What's the worst thing that could happen? ROM The ship could continue accelerating until it tears itself apart and scatters our remains halfway across the quadrant. Quark agitatedly tries to think of a way out. QUARK There must be something we can do... ROM (thinking aloud) Jettison the warp core... No, I tried that already. Emergency overrides are frozen. QUARK Then we'll have to try something else, won't we? ROM (gets an idea) The kemacite! (off reactions, trying to sell them) If we vent plasma from the warp core into the cargo hold, we may be able to start a cascade reaction in the kemacite. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT ONE 17. 19 CONTINUED: (3) ROM (Cont'd) Then we can modulate the reaction to create an inversion wave in the warp field and force the ship back into normal space! If I time it just right, I should be able to get us close enough to Earth to make an emergency landing. Quark and Nog look at each other, hoping one of them will back up Rom's theory. Unfortunately, neither of them has any idea of what he's saying. QUARK Rom, you're a genius. ROM You think so? QUARK How should I know? I have no idea what you're talking about. Just do it. Rom sets about implementing his plan. ROM Hold on. And with that, Rom hits a control and the ship SHAKES violently, a high pitched whine starts to build and... 20 EXT. SPACE (OPTICAL) The Ferengi Shuttle, still at warp, is suddenly surrounded by a ball of incandescent white light, white expands to fill the screen and then... WHITE OUT. 21 WHITE SCREEN (OPTICAL) The screen is filled with white light for a beat, and then... SHOCK CUT TO: 22 INT. EXAMINING ROOM Close on Quark whose eyes suddenly snap open in panic. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT ONE 18. 23 NEW ANGLE As Quark sits up in shock and looks around. He's sitting on a World War Two-era operating room table, a white sheet draped over his body. He's still dressed in his clothes, but all pins, metal buttons, and other ornaments have been removed. He looks around and sees Nog and Rom, lying on similar beds. They're unconscious. QUARK Rom? Nog? There's a mirror across the room which reflects Quark's face. But before Ouark (or the audience) can completely process this location, we... CUT TO: 24 INT. OBSERVATION ROOM Close on an unfiltered cigarette dangling from a man's mouth. The rest of the man's face is obscured in darkness. As we watch, the man, who we will come to know as CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT, lights the cigarette, takes a drag, and lifts a 1940's era phone to face. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT (into phone) Get me General Denning. (a beat) Tell him one of the Martians is awake. And as Captain Wainwright puts down his lighter next to the rotary phone, we zoom in on a nearby calendar. 25 CLOSE ON THE CALENDAR Which displays a picture of Rita Hayworth and reads... "JULY 1947" Hold on these words for a beat, then... FADE OUT. END OF ACT ONE DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT TWO 19. ACT TWO FADE IN: 26 EXT. ARMY/AIR CORPS BASE - DAY An establishing shot of the outside of a large military building. 27 INT. OBSERVATION ROOM This is a dark, smoke-filled room, where soldiers in 1940's-era clothing study the Ferengi through what we now realize is a two-way mirror. In the center of the room is a broad-beamed, craggy- faced Army Air Corps general, the butt of a fat stogie clenched in his teeth. This is GENERAL REX DENNING, a no-nonsense veteran of two world wars who's ready to take on the Martians to defend the good old USA if necessary. Also present are Captain Wainwright, PROFESSOR JEFF CARLSON, an idealistic young scientist, his fiancee FAITH GARLAND, a Woman's Army Corps nurse, and two M.P.s, one with a large GERMAN SHEPHERD guard dog. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT We've got the farmer who found their ship locked up in the B.O.Q., but I don't know how much longer we can keep him there. When Denning speaks it's with the gravely voice of a lifelong smoker. GENERAL DENNING You keep him there until I tell you to let him go. Did you take care of that idiot in Roswell who told the press we captured a flying saucer? CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT We've convinced him to issue a retraction. (smiling) Turns out it was just a weather balloon. GENERAL DENNING A weather balloon, huh? DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT TWO 19A. 27 CONTINUED: CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT We had to come up with something quick. The last thing we need is a bunch of reporters snooping around. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT TWO 20. 27 CONTINUED: (2) Professor Carlson takes out a pack of cigarettes, hands one to Nurse Garland, puts one in his own mouth, and lights both cigarettes. PROFESSOR CARLSON You can't keep this from the public forever, General. Beings from another planet have landed on Earth. It's one of the most important events in human history. GENERAL DENNING Maybe. But we can't risk causing a panic. I'm not telling the public anything until we know exactly what we're up against. Denning turns and we see that everyone in the room is watching Quark, Nog and Rom through the two-way mirror. We can't hear them until the General reaches over and flips a toggle switch activating a speaker over the mirror. (Because the Ferengis' universal translators are on the blink, we hear untranslated Ferengi whenever we're seeing them from the humans' point of view. Rough translations are in parentheses.) QUARK Pip im gren tovat. Yop bree gren skin law po far. (This is all your fault. I told you to check the ship.) ROM Yop im too, yoba. Yop sko ta yop ma. (I'm sorry, brother. I did the best I could.) 28 INT. EXAMINING ROOM Quark, Rom and Nog are trying to make sense of their surroundings. Now that the Ferengi are alone, we understand them perfectly. Quark checks the room's only door. QUARK Locked. (he looks around the room) What is this place? Where are we? ROM I wish you'd stop asking that. I told you, I don't know. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT TWO 21. 28 CONTINUED: NOG The last thing I remember was father taking the shuttle in for an emergency landing. QUARK We must be on Earth. But where? NOG One thing's for sure, this isn't Starfleet Academy. ROM I wonder what happened to the ship? Suddenly realizing he's suffered a grave financial loss. QUARK My ship. Where's my ship? Quark banging on the door. QUARK Hey... anybody out there? What did you do with my ship? I want my ship back. 29 INT. OBSERVATION ROOM As the soldiers and scientists watch Quark bang on the door. QUARK Goss uff wok ton. Goss uff wok ton. (Let us out of here. Let us out of here.) Wainwright draws his pistol and clicks off the safety. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT He's trying to break out. The two M.P.s who are near the door raise their sidearms. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/21/95 - ACT TWO 22. 29 CONTINUED: NURSE GARLAND (to Professor Carlson) Don't let them hurt him. He's just scared. Professor Carlson agrees with Nurse Garland and lobbies on Quark's behalf. PROFESSOR CARLSON General, these creatures come from a race far more advanced than our own. There's no telling what they could teach us. We have to try to communicate with them. General Denning takes a long, thoughtful puff on his cigar. GENERAL DENNING Well you're in luck. The President agrees with you. He wants us to try to talk to them. So that's just what you're going to do. PROFESSOR CARLSON Me? GENERAL DENNING We didn't ask you here just because you're Nurse Garland's fiancee, Professor. I need someone to talk to these Martians. And you're elected. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT TWO 23. 30 INT. EXAMINING ROOM Quark gives up on the door. QUARK I knew it. I knew Earth was a bad idea. Ferengis and humans have no business being together. (to Nog) But you had to go to Starfleet Academy. ROM Don't blame my son. It was your idea to use Gaila's shuttle. QUARK And you were the one who told me it was safe. NOG (to Quark, re: Rom) Leave him alone. If it wasn't for my father, we'd all be dead. ROM (suddenly getting an idea) Maybe we are dead. QUARK What are you talking about? ROM (looking around the room) Maybe this is the Divine Treasury. QUARK Don't be ridiculous. The Divine Treasury is made of pure latinum. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT TWO 24. 30 CONTINUED: QUARK (Cont'd) And besides... where's the Blessed Exchequer, where are the Celestial Auctioneers? And why aren't we bidding for our new lives? Rom suddenly gets a very worried look. ROM You don't think... we're in the other place? NOG (worried) The Vault of Eternal Destitution? QUARK (insulted) Don't be ridiculous. The bar was showing a profit. Just then, the door opens and the two M.P.s ENTER, guns ready. After they've secured the room, they're followed by Professor Carlson, Nurse Garland and Wainwright. (NOTE: Until the Universal Translators are fixed in Act Three, scenes containing both Ferengis and humans will be filmed in the following way: When humans or Ferengis speak among themselves, dialogue will be in English. Human speech will be electronically distorted and unintelligible when seen from the Ferengi point-of- view, and Ferengi will speak untranslated Ferengi when seen from the human point-of-view. This will be indicated throughout the following scenes.) Professor Carlson approaches the Ferengi. PROFESSOR CARLSON Welcome to Earth. We mean you no harm. And as Professor Carlson continues speaking to the Ferengi... CUT TO: 31 THE FERENGIS' POINT-OF-VIEW Professor Carlson now seems to be speaking gibberish. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/22/95 - ACT TWO 25. 31 CONTINUED: PROFESSOR CARLSON (distorted and unintelligible) We're sorry we had to separate you from your ship, but I'm sure you can understand that we have lots of questions for you. 32 CLOSE ON ROM, QUARK, AND NOG Who look confused. QUARK Did you understand a word of that? ROM Our universal translators must be malfunctioning. Rom begins hitting his ear. Quark and Nog follow suit. 33 CLOSE ON PROFESSOR CARLSON, NURSE GARLAND, AND CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT As they react to the sight of the Ferengi pounding the side of their heads. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT What are they doing? NURSE GARLAND Maybe it's some kind of greeting. She begins banging her head. PROFESSOR CARLSON (to Wainwright) She may be onto something. Professor Carlson also begins pounding his head. Wainwright turns to the M.P.s. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT You heard him. Wainwright and the M.P.s smack the side of their heads, too. 34 CLOSE ON QUARK, ROM, AND NOG As they react to the sight of the humans hitting their ears. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT TWO 26. 34 CONTINUED: QUARK What are they doing? ROM Maybe their universal translators are broken too. Nog stops banging his head. NOG (a frightening realization) No. They don't have universal translators. I recognize those uniforms from my guidebook. They're from the twentieth century. ROM The twentieth century? You mean we've traveled back through time? NOG More than four hundred years. Those are military uniforms from one of the old nation/states. (trying to remember) Australia... or something. Rom also stops banging his head. ROM So if they don't have universal translators, then why are they banging their heads? Quark also stops banging his head and the humans follow suit. QUARK They're just mimicking us. 35 CLOSE ON QUARK AND WAINWRIGHT As Quark walks up to the Captain. QUARK Brik yop tal hopdrew, ki los hoem bog? (If I jumped off a roof, would you do that, too?) Nurse Garland smiles at what she thinks is a moment of connection. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/22/95 - ACT TWO 27. 35 CONTINUED: NURSE GARLAND I think he likes you, Captain. 36 thru OMITTED 37 38 NEW ANGLE As Quark turns to Rom and Nog. In the background, Wainwright confers with Nurse Garland and Professor Carlson, but their words are all distorted. QUARK CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT I always heard primitive (unintelligible) humans lacked intelligence, I hope I didn't insult him. but I never thought they'd be this stupid. PROFESSOR CARLSON (unintelligible) NOG I'd say you did just fine. (worried) (to Nurse Garland) They weren't just stupid... Nurse, I want you to begin They were also violent, running some simple medical petty, bigoted and selfish. tests... Heart-rate, blood- pressure, body temperature. ROM And we're stuck here with NURSE GARLAND them... Maybe for the rest (unintelligible) of our lives. Right away, Professor. Quark's already beginning to see the possibilities of three superior, intelligent, technologically sophisticated Ferengis living in a world of backward humans. He walks up to Nurse Garland, and smiles lasciviously. QUARK The three of us and millions of primitive humans. (grinning) I like those odds. Hold on Quark as he begins planning his conquest of the world, then... FADE OUT. END OF ACT TWO DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT THREE 28. ACT THREE FADE IN: 39 INT. EXAMINING ROOM Quark is sitting on one of the examination tables while Nurse Garland takes his blood pressure. Wainwright is gone, but the two M.P.s are still present. NURSE GARLAND (distorted and unintelligible) Two-fifty over one-sixty-seven. If you were human, I'd say you were due for a heart attack. QUARK What do you say I teach you how to oo-mox? Trust me, you'll like it. Nurse Garland can't understand a word Quark is saying, but she smiles. QUARK Is that a "Yes?" 40 NEW ANGLE As Nurse Garland turns to Professor Carlson, who is studying Nog and Rom. Rom is looking into Nog's ear. NURSE GARLAND I've given them every medical test I can think of, but the only thing I can tell you for sure... is they're not human. PROFESSOR CARLSON Well, that's a start. (re: Rom and Nog) I think these two are involved in some kind of grooming ritual. Look how the older one is taking care of the younger one. NURSE GARLAND It's sweet. Maybe they're father and son? Wouldn't that be something? They come from so far away, but they still have the same basic family structure that we do. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/25/95 - ACT THREE 29. 40 CONTINUED: PROFESSOR CARLSON I wonder if the third one's related too. NURSE GARLAND For all we know, it could be the mother. Just then, Quark shouts at Rom... QUARK (in Ferengi) Gren fa hoe loth pex-pil? (Haven't you got that translator fixed yet?) PROFESSOR CARLSON If she is the mother, she's quite a shrew. 41 NEW ANGLE On Rom and Nog. ROM I'm working as fast as I can, brother. But there must be some kind of interference disrupting our translators. QUARK What kind of interference? ROM (thinking aloud) I'm not sure... Could be solar flares, or maybe ionic interference... (a long shot) Or I suppose it could be beta radiation. But that's only produced by nuclear fission. QUARK Don't be an idiot. Nuclear fission doesn't happen within planetary atmospheres. Nog gets a troubled look. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT THREE 30. 41 CONTINUED: NOG They do here. (off reactions) In the twentieth century humans used crude nuclear reactors as weapons. They called them atom bombs. They used to blow them up all the time. QUARK (amazed) They irradiated their own planet? ROM If Nog says so, they did. He knows all about Earth history. This worries Quark a little. People who would use nuclear weapons on their own world are capable of anything. QUARK (to Rom) You'd better fix the translators fast. The sooner we start talking to these savages, the better off we'll be. 42 ANGLE ON PROFESSOR CARLSON AND NURSE GARLAND As they watch the Ferengi. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT THREE 31. 42 CONTINUED: Nurse Garland adjusts one of the hairpins holding her hair up. Rom sees it and goes over to her. ROM Vo yop toe pah? (Can I have that?) He holds out his hand. PROFESSOR CARLSON He seems to want something from you. NURSE GARLAND (joking) You'd better tell him I'm your girl. ROM Yop triska gleep do-sta gren-la. (I need that metal thing you're holding.) PROFESSOR CARLSON I think he wants your hairpin. NURSE GARLAND If you say so, Professor. Nurse Garland can't understand why a technologically sophisticated alien would want a hairpin, but she hands it to Rom with great ceremony. NURSE GARLAND Here you go. ROM Neep-gren. (Thank you.) Rom straightens the hair pin and goes over to Nog. 43 CLOSE ON NOG AND ROM As Rom begins prodding around in Nog's ear with the hairpin. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT THREE 32. 43 CONTINUED: ROM Now where's that reset button? Rom starts fishing around, trying to reset the translator with the pin. 44 CLOSE ON NURSE GARLAND AND PROFESSOR CARLSON Watching the Ferengis. Nurse Garland reacts to Rom shoving the now straight hairpin into Nog's ear. NURSE GARLAND Ouch. That looks like it hurts. PROFESSOR CARLSON (re: Nog) He doesn't seem to mind. As Professor Carlson and Nurse Garland reflect on the nature of the Ferengi, Professor Carlson lights up a pair of cigarettes and hands one to Nurse Garland. PROFESSOR CARLSON I wish I had some help. I don't know why we can't bring in a few more experts. NURSE GARLAND Let's face it, Jeff, when it comes to beings from another planet, we don't have any experts. (a beat) You'll find a way to communicate with them, darling. I know you will. (a beat) Imagine the possibilities... Who knows what they can teach us. A few years from now, mankind could have rocket ships of our own. We could travel the galaxy, exploring new worlds, new civilizations... PROFESSOR CARLSON (smiles) Always the dreamer. NURSE GARLAND That's why you love me. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT THREE 32A. 44 CONTINUED: PROFESSOR CARLSON It's funny, isn't it? Here we are in the middle of one of the greatest discoveries in human history, and all I can think about is what you're going to look like in your wedding dress. NURSE GARLAND My mother keeps asking me where we're going on our honeymoon. She thinks we should go to Niagara Falls. PROFESSOR CARLSON (looks over at the Ferengi) Who knows... maybe we'll go to Mars. They both laugh. Professor Carlson exhales a puff of smoke and Quark coughs at the foul smell. 45 ON QUARK As he reacts to the cigarette smoke. QUARK What is that disgusting smell? DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/25/95 - ACT THREE 33. 45 CONTINUED: Nog answers as Rom continues to work on his ear. NOG I think it's called tobacco. (off reaction) It's a deadly drug. When used frequently, it destroys the internal organs. QUARK If it's so deadly, then why do they use it? NOG It's also highly addictive. ROM How do they get their hands on it? NOG They buy it in stores. QUARK They buy it? (thoughtful) If they'll buy poison, they'll buy anything. Quark's eyes light up. QUARK (a predatory smile) I think I'm going to like it here. Nog can tell what Quark is thinking. NOG Uncle, I hope you're not thinking of doing anything that would disrupt the timeline. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT THREE 34. 45 CONTINUED: (2) QUARK Perish the thought. NOG Changing the history of Earth could effect the entire galaxy. The Federation, Deep Space Nine, your bar... it could all cease to exist. QUARK (dismissive) Wouldn't that be a shame. (to Rom) Rom, hurry up with those translators. 46 EXT. ARMY/AIR CORPS BASE - DAY Re-establishing. 47 EXT. ARMY/AIR CORPS BASE - OUTSIDE THE BUILDING - DAY General Denning is having a smoke and talking to Professor Carlson and Captain Wainwright. Wainwright shows Denning a black and white photo of the shuttle. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT The aliens' ship has a small control area in the front and rudimentary sleeping quarters in the back. So far, we can't even figure out what drives the engines, let alone how they work. As Wainwright is talking, the stray German Shepherd wanders up to the three men. Jeff bends down to scratch the dog behind the ear. PROFESSOR CARLSON Hey, how you doing, big fella. GENERAL DENNING You making any headway, Professor? PROFESSOR CARLSON It's fascinating. I would've expected creatures of their technological sophistication to communicate telepathically. But they seem to have a structured verbal language just like we do. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/21/95 - ACT THREE 35. 47 CONTINUED: PROFESSOR CARLSON (Cont'd) (thinks for a beat) Given enough time, a good team of linguists could probably decipher it. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT We're not bringing in anyone else. Too many people know about this as it is. GENERAL DENNING (agreeing) Besides, we don't have the time. President Truman is an impatient man. He wants answers, and he wants 'em now. 48 NEW ANGLE As Nurse Garland comes out of the building. She looks excited. NURSE GARLAND Jeff, General Denning... I think you'd better come inside right away. General Denning and Professor Carlson exchange a look, then head for the building. 49 INT. EXAMINING ROOM Quark stands proudly in front of the other two Ferengi, waiting expectantly. As Professor Carlson rushes into the room, followed by Denning and Wainwright, Quark brings himself up to his full height, puffs out his chest impressively, and speaks perfectly understandable English in his most commanding voice. QUARK My name is Quark... Chief Financial Officer of the Ferengi Alliance. And I've got a business proposition for you. And as Denning, Wainwright, Nurse Garland, and Professor Carlson react to Quark's pronouncement... FADE OUT. END OF ACT THREE DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men"- REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FOUR 36. ACT FOUR FADE IN: 50 INT. OBSERVATION ROOM Quark has asked for a private audience with Denning. What he's gotten is Denning and two M.P. bodyguards. Denning is standing over Quark, looking into his ear with a flashlight. GENERAL DENNING I don't see any universal translator. QUARK Trust me, it's in there. Denning flicks off the flashlight and takes a contemplative puff on his cigar. GENERAL DENNING And this gadget of yours, that's what makes it possible for us to understand each other? (off Quark's nod) How's it work? QUARK It's simple... if you have the know-how. You'd be surprised at the kind of things you can do... with the right technology. Which brings me to why I'm here. GENERAL DENNING I was wondering about that. QUARK I've been sent by my people to open up a new market for advanced Ferengi technology. GENERAL DENNING What kind of technology are you talking about? QUARK How would you like to travel beyond the stars at speeds you never even dreamt were possible? Or be able to transport yourself from one place to another in the blink of an eye? DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men"- REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FOUR 36A. 50 CONTINUED: GENERAL DENNING You know how to do that? QUARK That's only the beginning. We can give you the medical knowledge to cure your deadliest diseases. We have machines that can produce food, clothing, out of thin air. General Denning chomps on his stogie and moves closer to Quark. GENERAL DENNING What about weapons? Quark breaks into a broad grin. QUARK Weapons... If you want weapons, I'm the man to see. We can teach you how to make phasers, disruptors, photon torpedoes... or even quantum torpedoes. A little more expensive, but worth it. GENERAL DENNING And what do you want in return? QUARK That depends. What do you use for currency around here... latinum... dilithium... GENERAL DENNING We use dollars. QUARK (considers it) Dollars... never heard of them. (hopeful) Don't you have any gemstones, or precious minerals? GENERAL DENNING You mean like gold? QUARK Gold? Gold is good. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FOUR 36B. 50 CONTINUED: (2) GENERAL DENNING How much gold are we talking about? QUARK Seeing that we're going to be advancing your culture about four hundred years overnight... I'd say a couple of million bars would be about right. (a beat) As a good faith deposit. The two M.P.s turn their heads to one another. They don't like the sound of that. Neither does Denning. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT FOUR 37. 50 CONTINUED: (3) GENERAL DENNING You know, Quark, you might be some kind of Martian... QUARK (interrupting) Ferengi. GENERAL DENNING Whatever. But the more we talk, the more you remind me of my brother-in-law. QUARK Is he a businessman? GENERAL DENNING He's a car salesman. And not a very good one. QUARK Then he's nothing like me. GENERAL DENNING (smoldering) The bottom line is I don't trust him and I don't trust you. So before we sit down and sign any contracts, you're going to tell me what the hell you people are really doing here. By the end of the above speech, Denning is in Quark's face. Quark backs away, but tries to stay calm. QUARK (rational) I just told you. We're here to open up trade negotiations. If you're not interested, just say so. I'm sure I can do business with one of your planet's other nation states. GENERAL DENNING In other words, if we don't play ball, you'll sell those advanced weapons of yours to the Russians. Quark has no idea who the Russians are, but he can tell Denning doesn't like him. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men"- REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FOUR 38. 50 CONTINUED: (4) QUARK I'd rather it didn't come to that. To be honest, I'd much rather work with you Australians. GENERAL DENNING Americans. QUARK Whatever. But if you won't do business with me, and the Russians will, who am I to say no? Denning doesn't trust Quark, but he doesn't want him talking to the Russians either. GENERAL DENNING (tough) I'm not saying we can't do business. But I don't have the authority to make this kind of decision. I'll have to get clearance from the President. QUARK I can wait. General Denning exhales a puff of smoke. Quark coughs. QUARK But in the meantime, let me give you some free advice, just to show I'm on your side. (confidential) You people should take better care of yourselves. Stop poisoning your bodies with tobacco and atom bombs. Sooner or later, that kind of stuff will kill you. General Denning's eyes narrow. Quark's attacking basic American values. GENERAL DENNING What do you know about atom bombs? Quark puts on his best superior space being attitude. QUARK My people have been watching your world for many years. We know all about you. Baseball, root beer, darts... atom bombs. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT FOUR 39. 50 CONTINUED: (5) QUARK (Cont'd) It's quite a fascinating culture you humans have here. And with a little Ferengi technology, it could be even better. (a beat) Now, why don't you go talk to that president of yours? Hold on Denning as he considers Quark's offer. 51 EXT. ARMY/AIR CORPS BASE - NIGHT Re-establishing. 52 INT. EXAMINING ROOM Faith and Jeff are talking with Rom and Nog. Now that the universal translators are working, they're getting along very well. The German Shepherd is curled up at Professor Carlson's feet. The Professor scratches it. PROFESSOR CARLSON Let me get this straight, Rom... Are you saying that all the women on your world walk around naked? ROM It's the law. PROFESSOR CARLSON You don't say? NURSE GARLAND (amused) Well I guess I'm never going to visit your world. (to the Professor) And neither are you. Nog rubbing his ear, pretending it hurts. NOG Nurse Garland, I'm having trouble with my ear again. Could you massage it some more? DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FOUR 40. 52 CONTINUED: Faith has no idea that Nog is manipulating her into giving him oo-mox. NURSE GARLAND Are you sure you don't want a doctor to look at that? NOG No. I feel more comfortable with you. She starts rubbing his ear. Nog tries to conceal the bliss he's feeling. NOG Ah... much better. ROM You know, come to think of it, my ear's bothering me too. Just then: 53 NEW ANGLE As Quark ENTERS, looking proud of himself. Everyone looks over at him. Faith stops oo-moxing Nog, to his disappointment. ROM Brother, how did your meeting with the general go? Quark doesn't answer. He looks over at Jeff and Faith. He obviously wants some privacy. Professor Carlson takes the hint. PROFESSOR CARLSON It's late. We should let you get some rest. NOG I'm not tired. NURSE GARLAND We'll visit some more tomorrow. Faith and Jeff EXIT, but the dog stays in the room. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT FOUR 40A. 53 CONTINUED: QUARK There's something about that female that I don't like. (a beat) She's so... cheerful. Quark shudders at the thought. ROM What about the general? DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT FOUR 41. 53 CONTINUED: (2) NOG Is he going to let us leave? QUARK Don't worry. Everything's under control. Quark notices the dog is still in the room. 54 ANGLE ON THE DOG (OPTICAL) As the German Shepherd gets up and approaches Quark. The Ferengis back away in fear from this monstrous animal. QUARK They forgot to take that thing with them. ROM It seems to like you, brother. QUARK (to the dog) Get away from me. Just then, the dog leaps up, plants its paws on Quark's shoulders, and MORPHS into... 55 ODO Who grabs Quark by the lapels and glares at him. ODO Hello, Quark. QUARK Odo? What are you doing here? ODO Placing you under arrest for attempting to smuggle kemacite. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT FOUR 42. 55 CONTINUED: ODO (Cont'd) (a beat) Did you really expect me to believe you were traveling all the way to Earth just to be nice to your nephew? Rom realizes what this means. ROM You hid on board the ship. ODO (grumpy) That's right. And now I'm stuck here with you. (a beat) Now listen carefully, because I don't have much time. Someone could walk in here any minute. Your ship is in a hangar on the other side of the base. It sustained some damage in the crash, but the engines are still functioning. If we're lucky, we should be able to use it to get away from here. NOG And go where? Even if we get away, we'll still be trapped four hundred years in the past. ROM Actually, I've been thinking. If there's enough kemacite left, there might be a way to get back to our own time. ODO How? ROM If we find a sufficiently powerful energy source, we should be able to trigger a temporal surge in the subspace continuum and recreate the same kind of time warp that brought us here in the first place. ODO What do you mean by a sufficiently powerful energy source? DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FOUR 43. 55 CONTINUED: (2) But before Rom can answer, Quark jumps in. QUARK We're not going anywhere. (off reactions) We're staying right here. ROM But Brother, what about the bar? QUARK Who cares about the bar? I'm telling you, Rom... we stay here and inside a year, we'll be running this place. ROM You mean the military base? QUARK I mean the whole planet. Odo harumphs. QUARK Harumph all you want. But these humans, they're not like the ones from the Federation. They're crude, gullible and greedy. ODO You mean, like you. QUARK These are humans I can understand... and manipulate. NOG But Uncle, what about the timeline? QUARK Forget this timeline. The one we're going to create will be better. Once we've got things in order here, we'll contact the Ferengi homeworld, and sell them our ship. The Ferengi will have warp drive technology centuries before humans or Klingons or even the Vulcans. We'll establish an economic empire beyond even Grand Nagus Zek's wildest dreams. And I'll control it all. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT FOUR 44. 55 CONTINUED: (3) There's a beat, and then... ODO You do have a vivid imagination. But the only place we're going is back to our own time. (to Rom) I'll have the ship ready to go in six hours. (to Quark) And you're all going to be on it. QUARK I'm not going back, and neither is my ship. ODO We'll see about that. And with that... 56 NEW ANGLE (OPTICAL) Odo MORPHS back into the dog. 57 EXT. ARMY/AIR CORPS BASE - NIGHT A nervous Captain Wainwright is pacing outside the examination building, smoking a cigarette. A jeep pulls up, with General Denning and his driver. When Wainwright sees him, he stop pacing and puts out his cigarette. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT What's the word, General? GENERAL DENNING That little piano-playing Democrat's not as dumb as he looks. He's not about to make a deal with these aliens until we learn more about them. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT And how does the president propose we do that? GENERAL DENNING He said he'd leave that in our capable hands. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT FOUR 44A. 57 CONTINUED: CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT Don't worry, General. I'll find out what those Martians are up to. GENERAL DENNING See that you do. Captain Wainwright nods, pleased to be of service. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/25/95 - ACT FOUR 45. 58 INT. EXAMINING ROOM Quark paces back and forth, trying to convince Rom and Nog his plan is sound. QUARK I'm telling you, this is the opportunity of a lifetime. ROM I don't know, Brother. It seems awfully risky to me. QUARK "The riskier the road, the greater the profit." ROM What about Rule of Acquisition two hundred and three? "New customers are like razor-toothed gree-worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back." QUARK If there's any biting to be done, we're the one's who're going to do it. Suddenly, almost as if to prove Quark wrong, the door bursts in, and four M.P.s charge inside. Before Quark or the others can react, the M.P.s throw burlap sacks over their heads and point guns at them. 59 INT. INTERROGATION ROOM The bag is pulled off Quark's head. He finds himself strapped to a chair in a dark room, with a single glaring light shining in his eyes. Rom and Nog are also tied down, with the bags still over their heads. QUARK This is an outrage. I demand to see General Denning. If I don't get satisfaction, I'm taking my business to the Russians. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09120195 - ACT FOUR 46. 60 NEW ANGLE To include a pair of M.P.s, Professor Carlson, Nurse Garland, who is preparing some kind of injection, and Captain Wainwright, looking a little smug. Wainwright approaches Quark. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT The Russians. That's a good place to start. Why don't you tell me everything you know about the Russians? He nods to Nurse Garland, who reluctantly approaches Quark with the dripping hypodermic needle. And as Quark realizes he's in deep trouble... FADE OUT. END OF ACT FOUR DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT FIVE 47. ACT FIVE FADE IN: 61 INT. INTERROGATION ROOM Close on Quark, who's screaming as he gets injected with a hypodermic needle. QUARK Would you please stop doing that? Wainwright looks to Nurse Garland, who doesn't even want to be here. NURSE GARLAND (getting tired of this) That's the fifth injection of sodium pentathol I've given him. It's not working. PROFESSOR CARLSON Their biochemistry is obviously nothing like ours. QUARK Then stop sticking me with those needles. NURSE GARLAND Captain, this is wrong. These people are our guests. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT People? They're not people, they're things. Invaders from another world. And it's up to us to put an end to whatever they're planning. 62 NEW ANGLE To include Rom and Nog strapped to their chairs, the bags off their heads. They both look like they'd rather be someplace else. Other than a large U.S. map on one wall and the hanging light, the room is frighteningly stark. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT (to Quark) Now if you don't tell me what I want to know, needles are going to be the least of your worries. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT FIVE 47A. 62 CONTINUED: CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT (Cont'd) (to Professor Carlson) You know, Doc... I always wanted to see what a Martian looked like... from the inside. Wainwright reaches over and picks up a scalpel. This gesture is meant to threaten the Ferengi. It works. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FIVE 48. 62 CONTINUED: (2) NOG Don't you people have laws against this kind of thing? CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT Not when it comes to National Security. (to the Doctor) Which one should we start with... (re: Quark) The loud one? (re: Nog) The little one? (wanders over to Rom) Or the quiet one? Rom tries to melt back into the chair. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT Now, why don't you tell us why you're really here? ROM (spilling his guts) It was an accident... we're from the future... the warp core was sabotaged... it's all Cousin Gaila's fault. I want to go home... I want my Moogie. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT (interested) Moogie? Nog sees that Rom's answers won't satisfy Wainwright. NOG You want the truth... I'll tell you the truth. We're advance scouts for the Ferengi invasion fleet. This is what Wainwright has always suspected. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT (to Carlson) I knew it. Carlson and Garland exchange looks of surprise and skepticism. QUARK Nog, what are you talking about? DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/25/95 - ACT FIVE 49. 62 CONTINUED: (3) NOG (to Wainwright) We've been studying you puny Earthlings for centuries and you're ripe for conquest. QUARK (to Wainwright) It's not true. ROM (a cry of despair) Moogie. NOG (to Quark) It's no use, Supreme Commander. They've seen through our cover. But knowing our plans won't do them any good. (to Wainwright) Even now three hundred Marauder- class attack cruisers are orbiting your planet... preparing to attack. ROM (in severe psychological distress) Moogie. QUARK (to Wainwright) I'm telling you, this is crazy. (to Nog) Nog, tell him the truth. (to Carlson) We're helpless. We're harmless. We just want to sell you things. PROFESSOR CARLSON (to Wainwright) Captain... I'm not sure I believe this invasion story. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT You scientists... You're like children... Always walking around with your heads in the clouds. (to Nog) Keep talking. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FIVE 50. 62 CONTINUED: (4) NOG When the appointed hour arrives, the Marauders will deactivate their cloaking devices and begin transporting Klingon shock troops directly to the landing zone. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT Landing zone? Where? Tell me. NOG Why not? Your feeble weapons will be useless against us. We will kill all the males, and take your females to mate with. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT (urgent) Where's the landing zone? NOG Untie me and I'll show you on that map. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT (to one of the M.P.s) You heard him. (to the other M.P.) Go get General Denning. Tell him he was right about the Martians all along. (to Nog) Now show me. As the First M.P. goes to untie Nog, the Second M.P. nods and EXITS. Wainwright takes out his .45 and covers Nog. 63 CLOSE ON NOG As the M.P. releases him and he walks over to the map. NOG The first landing parties will arrive here. He points to the map, but he's a few feet away and with the scale of the map, he could be pointing to anything between Pittsburgh and Denver. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT Where? NOG Here. Right by that blue blob. Wainwright moves closer to get a better look. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/26/95 - ACT FIVE 51. 63 CONTINUED: CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT You mean your people are going to invade... Cleveland? Nog moves closer to the map so that he's standing slightly in front of Wainwright. NOG No, not Cleveland. Here. And with that, Nog suddenly drives his elbow back into Wainwright's gut, pivots and decks him. Wainwright drops his pistol to the ground. Nog dives for the gun, but just before he reaches it, the remaining M.P. chambers his .45 and aims it right at Nog. NURSE GARLAND Don't hurt him. Nog looks from the gun, to the M.P., to Wainwright. NOG It was an accident. I tripped... I didn't mean to do it. Nurse Garland look imploringly at Jeff. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT (gasping for breath) Shoot him. But before the M.P. can pull the trigger... 64 NEW ANGLE Carlson impulsively slugs the M.P. and Nurse Garland slams Captain Wainwright over the head with a metal hospital tray. Both the M.P. and Wainwright slump into unconsciousness. NOG Thank you. QUARK We're all very grateful, but couldn't you have done that an hour ago? PROFESSOR CARLSON We've got to get you out of here. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 10/09/95 - ACT FIVE 52. 64 CONTINUED: Professor Carlson and Nurse Garland help untie Quark and Rom. ROM Won't you get in trouble for this? QUARK Why should they? We forced them to help us... by using our... Quark searches for a plausible explanation. NURSE GARLAND Your insidious mind control powers. QUARK That's not bad. NOG (to Carlson) For a primitive female, she's pretty smart. PROFESSOR CARLSON Come on... Your ship's in Hangar Eighteen. They all EXIT. 65 EXT. ARMY/AIR CORPS BASE - NIGHT Garland runs out. NURSE GARLAND (to the M.P.s) Captain Wainwright wants to see you in exam room three. The M.P.s go inside, and the Ferengis and their rescuers head for a jeep. GENERAL DENNING (O.S.) Hold it right there. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - 09/19/95 - ACT FIVE 53. 66 NEW ANGLE To reveal General Denning, flanked by two more M.P.s with guns drawn. Thinking fast, Quark sticks his finger up against Nurse Garland's head. QUARK Stay back, or I'll... disintegrate this hostage. GENERAL DENNING With your finger? QUARK With my death ray. GENERAL DENNING Looks a lot like a finger to me. Suddenly... 67 A NEARBY JEEP (OPTICAL) MORPHS into Odo, who knocks out Denning and the two M.Ps. ODO (to Quark) Can we please leave now? PROFESSOR CARLSON (to Quark) Who's he? QUARK (re: Odo) My hero. CUT TO: DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/25/95 - ACT FIVE 54. EXT. HANGAR - NIGHT The jeep, carrying Odo, Quark, Nog, Rom, Nurse Garland and Professor Carlson pulls up to a Hangar which has a large number "18" painted on it. NOG You're sure they're going to be detonating an atomic bomb today? NURSE GARLAND That's what it said in the paper. Five A.M. at the Proving Grounds in Nevada. But I don't see how an Atomic Bomb is going to help you get home. ROM We need to harness the beta radiation to trigger a cascade... QUARK (cuts him off) Save your breath. It's much too complicated for them to grasp. PROFESSOR CARLSON Five A.M. -- that's seven minutes from now. ROM Don't worry. We'll get there. QUARK (to Nurse Garland and Professor Carlson) Thanks for your help. You may be Humans, but you're okay with me. NURSE GARLAND You don't have to thank us. I only hope that one day, mankind will travel to the stars, and take its place in a vast alliance of planets. ROM (correcting her) Federation of Planets. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/25/95 - ACT FIVE 55. 68 CONTINUED: NURSE GARLAND Excuse me? QUARK (glaring at Rom) Don't pay any attention to him. He's an idiot. Trust me. The galaxy is a pretty rough place. You people are much better off staying here on Earth. ODO (stern) Let's go, Quark. Everyone EXITS, leaving Nurse Garland and Professor Carlson alone. Carlson goes to the jeep and opens the door for Faith. PROFESSOR CARLSON (musing) A vast alliance of planets. (smiles) You get the craziest ideas. They get in the jeep and drive away. Just then, there's a loud rumble, and... 69 NEW ANGLE (OPTICAL) The Ferengi shuttle crashes out of the roof of Hangar Eighteen and zips off into the night sky. 70 EXT. ARMY/AIR CORPS BASE - NIGHT Wainwright is helping Denning to his feet as the Ferengi shuttle rockets by over their heads. CAPTAIN WAINWRIGHT What do we do now, General? Denning thinks about it for a second. He takes the cigar out of his mouth and rolls it around in his fingers. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV- 09/25/95 - ACT FIVE 56. 70 CONTINUED: GENERAL DENNING About what, Captain? (off reaction) All we ever found was a crashed weather balloon. Denning jams the cigar back into his mouth and chomps on it even harder. 71 INT. FERENGI SHUTTLE Quark and Rom are in the pilot's seats. Odo and Nog are standing behind them. ODO Now tell me again what happens when we get there? ROM We fly straight into the atomic explosion, expose the kemacite to the beta radiation and engage the warp engines. If we have enough kemacite, we should be able to create a reverse time warp and ride it home. NOG My dad. Always thinking. Odo and Quark exchange a look. Neither of them look particularly confident in Rom's plan. ODO (to Quark) If this doesn't work, I'm holding you personally responsible. QUARK I don't remember inviting you on this trip. A com-panel beeps. ROM (off readouts) There it is. Hold on. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/25/95 - ACT FIVE 57. 71 CONTINUED: And as Rom banks the ship... CUT TO: 72 EXT. NEVADA DESERT (OPTICAL) - NIGHT Close on the mushrooming cloud of a nuclear explosion. Hold on it for a second, and then the Ferengi shuttle zooms into screen and plunges into the cloud. 73 INT. FERENGI SHUTTLE (OPTICAL) The Ferengi shuttle is undergoing some serious shaking and stirring. QUARK I don't like this. ODO (concerned) Rom, tell your brother it's going to be all right. ROM It's going to be all right, Brother. (qualifying) I hope. Suddenly, the screen WHITES OUT. 74 EXT. SPACE (OPTICAL) The Earth as seen from space. Suddenly the Ferengi shuttle winks into existence and drifts across the screen, with no engine power. 75 INT. FERENGI SHUTTLE Odo, Quark, Rom and Nog regain consciousness. NOG Did we make it? ROM (trying to reassure himself) This doesn't look like the Divine Treasury. QUARK What year is it? DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/25/95 - ACT FIVE 58. 75 CONTINUED: ROM Good question. ODO What's that flashing indicator? Rom takes a beat to figure out what it is. ROM (excited) We're being hailed. QUARK (to Rom) Answer them, answer them. Rom activates the speaker for the communications system. HUMAN VOICE This is Earth Orbital Control to the unidentified Ferengi vessel, do you need assistance? NOG Yes. Definitely. HUMAN VOICE We'll send a ship to tractor you to a docking facility. ROM We'll be waiting. Odo, Quark, Rom and Nog relax as they realize they've made it home in one piece. ROM Well son, it looks like you're going to get to Starfleet Academy after all. QUARK Just remember, under that placid Federation veneer, humans are still a bunch of violent savages. NOG Maybe. But I like 'em. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/22/95 - ACT FIVE 59. 75 CONTINUED: (3) And as Quark shakes his head and Rom beams... 76 EXT. SPACE - DEEP SPACE NINE (OPTICAL) (STOCK) Re-establishing. 77 INT. DOCKING RING CORRIDOR Quark, Rom and Odo return to the station. ROM Ah, it's good to be home. (to Quark) I bet you can't wait to see the bar again. QUARK (dismissive) The bar. I could've ruled the galaxy. And now... I've got nothing. I don't even have my ship anymore. ROM Look on the bright side, Brother... You may've had to sell your shuttle for salvage, but at least you got enough to pay for our passage home. QUARK Wait 'til I get my hands on Cousin Gaila. Odo takes Quark's arm and begins marching him off. ODO You're going to have to wait longer than you think. Let's go. QUARK What are you doing? ODO I'm taking you to a holding cell. Kemacite smuggling is a serious offense. QUARK But you have no evidence. We used all the rest of the kemacite to get ourselves back to the twenty- fourth century. DEEP SPACE NINE: "Little Green Men" - REV. 09/20/95 - ACT FIVE 60. 77 CONTINUED: ODO Tell it to the Arbiter. And as Odo hauls Quark off... QUARK I'm innocent I tell you... This is all a misunderstanding... Rom, get me a lawyer... ROM I'll contact Cousin Gaila. I'm sure he'll know a good one. And as Odo pulls Quark out the door... QUARK (as he disappears) Rom, you idiot. Rom looks concerned for a beat, knowing he's done something wrong, then figures he's done so many right things lately, it doesn't really matter. ROM See you in a few weeks, brother. Rom smiles to himself, and we... FADE OUT. END OF ACT FIVE THE END