STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE "Rules of Acquisition" (fka "Profit Margin") #40512-427 Story by Hilary Bader Teleplay by Ira Steven Behr Directed by David Livingston THE WRITING CREDITS MAY NOT BE FINAL AND SHOULD NOT BE USED FOR PUBLICITY OR ADVERTISING PURPOSES WITHOUT FIRST CHECKING WITH THE TELEVISION LEGAL DEPARTMENT. Copyright 1993 Paramount Pictures Corporation. All Rights Reserved. This script is not for publication or reproduction. No one is authorized to dispose of same. If lost or destroyed, please notify the Script Department. Return to Script Department FINAL DRAFT PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORPORATION September 3, 1993 STAR TREK: DS9 - "Rules Of... " - 09/03/93 - CAST STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE "Rules of Acquisition" CAST SISKO PEL KIRA ZEK ODO INGLATU QUARK ZYREE BASHIR DAX 0'BRIEN ROM Non-Speaking Non-Speaking MORN MAIHAR'DU SUPERNUMERARIES STAR TREK: DS9 - "Rules of... " - 09/03/93 - SETS STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE "Rules of Acquisition" SETS INTERIORS EXTERIORS DEEP SPACE NINE DEEP SPACE NINE COMMANDER'S OFFICE CORRIDOR DOSI HOMEWORLD INFIRMARY OPS FERENGI SHIP PROMENADE QUARK'S QUARK'S QUARTERS REPLIMAT PEL'S QUARTERS DOSI MEETING HALL TENT SLEEPING QUARTERS FERENGI SHIP STAR TREK: DS9 - "Rules of... " - 09/09/93 - PRONUNCIATION STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE "Rules of Acquisition" PRONUNCIATION GUIDE DOSI DOE-zi DRAMILIAN DRAH-mill-ian HUPYRIAN HUE-pie-ree-an INGLATU ing-GLAH-too KAREMMA CAR-em-ma KIBBERIAN KY-beer-ian LOKAR LOW-car MAIHAR'DU MAY-har-doo MISOGYNISTIC MISS-ah-gin-is-tic NAGUS NAY-gus TULABERRY TOO-luh-berry ZYREE ZI-ree DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - TEASER 1. STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE "Rules of Acquisition" TEASER FADE IN: 1 INT. PROMENADE - NIGHT There's not much activity on either level. Most of the shops are closed. 1A ANGLE ON MORN Asleep on the Promenade couch. Suddenly a hand reaches in and shakes him awake. 1B NEW ANGLE It's ODO, making the rounds. ODO All right, Morn. You know the rules. No sleeping on the Promenade. Go home. Morn gets up and shuffles off to his quarters. Odo watches him go, then turns and continues his rounds, passing... 1C OUTSIDE QUARK'S Which is locked tight. But as we push in on the bar's shuttered windows, we hear muffled voices and the clank of latinum. 2 INT. QUARK'S QUARK, ROM, and three of their Ferengi employees, including PEL, are seated around a table playing tongo, a popular Ferengi game best described as a cross between poker, mah- jongg, and craps. As with most games, the players' actions seem incomprehensible to any observer unfamiliar with its rules. The Ferengi appear to be simultaneously tossing in and pulling out strips of latinum from a central pot, throwing down oval shaped playing cards and frantically rolling dice; all with a level of intensity and reckless pace that is closer to combat than recreation. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - TEASER 1A. Suddenly the betting abruptly ceases and all eyes turn suspiciously to a sixth, previously unseen, player seated to the right of Quark. 3 NEW ANGLE close on DAX, the only non-Ferengi at the table, and apparently the equivalent of the bank for this round of play. She studies her hand carefully, shrewdly appraises the expectant faces surrounding her. 4 ANGLE ON THE TABLE A smiling Quark leans closer over to Dax. QUARK The risk is to you, Lieutenant. DAX (eyes the table) I could probably think better without your hand on my thigh. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - TEASER 2. 4 CONTINUED: Quark looks down at Dax's lap with feigned innocence. QUARK Now, how did that get there? He removes the offending digits while leering proudly at his fellow Ferengis. They leer back, Dax being a popular object of desire among them. QUARK (to Dax) So what's it gonna be? Confront? Evade? Acquire? Retreat? Dax reaches her decision. She throws down her cards and rolls her dice. DAX (a challenge) Confront. The players excitedly check their hands against Dax's. As the truth dawns on them, they issue disgruntled groans. DAX (triumphant) Yes. She rakes in her winnings. ROM (depressed) Doesn't she ever lose? QUARK (gazing with admiration at Dax) Tell me, Lieutenant, how did you get to be so good at tongo? DAX Actually, Curzon used to play it all the time. ROM Well, that explains it. It's Curzon who's beating us, not this female. DAX This female happens to be a better player than Curzon ever was. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - TEASER 3. 4 CONTINUED: (2) QUARK (flirting) And a prettier one too. ROM Maybe so. But I still prefer a Ferengi female. (wistful) One who never wears clothes, never talks back, and never plays tongo. DAX (to Quark) Is that how you really prefer your women? Naked and submissive. QUARK Do you find such a lifestyle appealing? DAX Don't you wish. QUARK Oh I do. I really do. Quark smiles seductively, but Dax puts back on her game face and turns her attention to the table. DAX All right everyone. The opening risk is five strips of latinum. The purchase is at three. The sell at eight. The players begin another round of frenzied betting. 5 ANGLE ROM shaking his head as Pel whispers to him. ROM (louder than intended) No, absolutely not. This isn't the proper time. 6 ANGLE ON THE TABLE as Quark elbows Rom in the ribs. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - TEASER 4. 6 CONTINUED: QUARK I'm trying to concentrate. ROM I'm sorry, Brother. (re: Pel) It's this insolent young waiter's fault. PEL My apologies, Quark. But I really think you should try this. Pel reaches past Rom and places a hand in front of Quark. 7 INSERT HAND a half dozen peas sit in the palm. QUARK (O.S.) What is it? 8 BACK TO SCENE PEL A way to double your beverage profits. Taste it. Quark, always on the lookout for ways to improve business, eats a pea and while trying to make up his mind whether he likes it, reaches over and takes a sip from his glass. Pel points in excitement. PEL You see. (to Rom) Just as I told you. He immediately reached for his drink. Quark looks at the glass in his hand. QUARK So I did. Quark eats another pea, and sure enough, he takes another sip of his drink. QUARK (impressed) Amazing. You don't even realize you're thirsty. What are they? DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - TEASER 5. 8 CONTINUED: PEL Gramilian Sand Peas. They inhibit secretion of the salivary glands while drying out the tissues of the tongue. Works every time. You replace your complimentary dishes of lokar beans with sand peas and you won't be able to fill your customers' glasses fast enough. Sounds good to Quark. He studies Pel. QUARK What's your name again? PEL Pel... so what do you think about my idea? QUARK I think I agree with the fifty-ninth Rule of Acquisition, "Free advice is seldom cheap." PEL True, but the twenty-second rule says, "A wise man can hear profit in the wind." QUARK (touche) I see you know your Rules. PEL All two hundred and eighty-five of them. And the various commentaries as well. (a beat) I don't plan on being a waiter forever. ROM Good. Then you're fired. QUARK Shut up, Rom. (to Pel) When it comes to business, my brother has the weak little lobes of a female. (a beat) So what made you take a job here at the station? DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - TEASER 6. 8 CONTINUED: (2) PEL (smiles at Quark) I wanted to learn from the best. QUARK (nods sagely) Which brings to mind the thirty-third Rule of Acquisition... QUARK AND PEL "It never hurts to suck up to the boss." They chuckle amicably. There's a real rapport between these two that Dax picks up on. Rom can see it too and it leaves him seething with jealousy. But before he can protest, we hear a CHIME emanate from the bar area. Quark holds up a hand for silence as he listens. DAX What's that? QUARK It's Grand Nagus Zek's personal subspace frequency. ROM I wonder what he wants. 9 NEW ANGLE Quark hurries over behind the bar to the wall monitor. He hits a key pad and... 10 INSERT MONITOR (OPTICAL) The crafty wizened face of GRAND NAGUS ZEK appears on screen. ZEK Why do you look so surprised? I told you I'd be back. 11 ANGLE QUARK (INTERCUT AS NEEDED) (OPTICAL) QUARK I've looked forward to your return, Nagus. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - TEASER 7. 11 CONTINUED: ZEK Still the perfect little toady, eh, Quark? QUARK (modestly) I try to be. ZEK Then listen carefully. The Ferengi expansion into the Gamma Quadrant is about to begin. I'd like you to be my chief negotiator. QUARK Me? ZEK That's right. I'm offering you an opportunity to make more profit than you ever dreamed of. (a beat) All you have to do is earn it. 12 CLOSE ON QUARK His head already swimming in a sea of latinum. FADE OUT. END OF TEASER DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT ONE 8. ACT ONE FADE IN: (NOTE: Episode credits fall over opening scenes) 13 INT. COMMANDER'S OFFICE SISKO and KIRA are meeting with Zek. Maihar'du, his everpresent Hupyrian servant, stands guard behind him. Zek offers Sisko and Kira a small latinum container. ZEK Can I interest anyone in some Hupyrian beetle snuff? SISKO I don't think so. ZEK Major? KIRA (not a chance) No, thank you. ZEK Suit yourself... more for me. He inserts a generous helping of snuff up each nostril. There's a beat, and then he lets loose a thunderous, particle- rich sneeze. Sisko and Kira exchange disgusted glances. Maihar'du leans over and offers Zek a silk handkerchief. ZEK (grabs it out of his hand) A little late, aren't we? He fastidiously wipes his nose. ZEK So, you wanted to see me, Commander? SISKO I understand that you're planning to host a business conference here at the station. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/10/93 - ACT ONE 9. 13 CONTINUED: ZEK With the Dosi, a race from the Gamma Quadrant. A very profitable opportunity for all concerned, I might add. KIRA (she can't help herself) Profitable for the Ferengi, maybe. ZEK Are you implying something, Major? KIRA (innocent) Me? Not at all. The Ferengi's reputation speaks for itself. ZEK A reputation of honesty, decency, and reliability. You always know what to expect when you do business with the Ferengi. KIRA Which is why, if you're smart, you don't do business with the Ferengi... SISKO I think you've made your point, Major. ZEK As misinformed and misguided as it may be. Besides, how we do business is none of your concern. SISKO Except when you conduct your business on this station. KIRA In other words, Zek, Grand Nagus or no Grand Nagus, if we allow you to hold these negotiations here, and we find out you're cheating these Dosi, I'll see to it that you never set foot on this station again. Zek gives Kira his most ingratiating smile, DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/10/93 - ACT ONE 9A. 13 CONTINUED: (2) ZEK Did anyone ever tell you your eyes shine with the brilliance of Kibberian fire diamonds. KIRA (coldly) Not that I recall. ZEK Well they do. Zek cozies up to Kira and places his hand on hers. ZEK Tell me, Major, could Bajor use fifty thousand kilos of Brizeen nitrate? KIRA Of course we could. With that much Brizeen, we could fertilize the entire northern peninsula. ZEK Well I've recently come into possession of fifty thousand kilos of Brizeen nitrate. And to show you how much your cooperation means to me, I'll let you have the entire shipment. Kira looks over at Sisko. That's a tough offer to refuse. SISKO I'll still need your assurances that the Dosi will be treated fairly while they're here. ZEK You have my word. (a beat) Then it's settled. (to Kira) Let's see, that's fifty thousand kilos at... twenty-five percent off our usual price. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT ONE 10. 13 CONTINUED: (3) SISKO Twenty-five percent? You just said you were giving it to them. ZEK You're right, Commander. We're all friends here. I'll let you have it at cost. SISKO I have a better idea. Why not consider the nitrate a gift to the people of Bajor. ZEK (frowning) A gift. That doesn't sound very profitable. SISKO That depends. ZEK On what? SISKO On whether you want to conduct business here or not. A beat, then Zek cackles in approval. ZEK Your negotiation skills aren't bad... for a human. He gets up and pats Kira's shoulder. ZEK Your nitrate will be delivered promptly. Anything else you need, please come see me personally. And with an affectionate squeeze on her arm, he EXITS, followed by Maihar'du. 14 HOLD ON SISKO AND KIRA both wondering if they made the right decision. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT ONE 11. 15 INT. QUARK'S QUARTERS Zek is seated in Quark's most comfortable chair. Quark sits nearby, the eager pupil learning at the foot of his master. Meanwhile, Maihar'du carefully and laboriously combs Zek's lobe hair. ZEK You know Quark, I've been involved in some profitable opportunities in my time. But my lobes are telling me this may be the most profitable opportunity in Ferengi history. QUARK Imagine that. And part of those profits will be mine. ZEK Profit. Fame. Power. As much as you want. Quark can't stand the anticipation. QUARK Tell me, Nagus, what exactly is this great opportunity. ZEK I can sum it up in one word... tulaberries. QUARK (not what he expected to hear) Tulaberries? ZEK Exactly. QUARK (still doesn't get it) Go on. ZEK They're the main ingredient in tulaberry wine. Your job is to purchase ten thousand vats from the Dosi. QUARK We're going into the wine business? DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT ONE 12. 15 CONTINUED: ZEK (nods) Within a year we'll have made tulaberry wine the most popular drink in their entire sector. Quark waits for more, but Zek waves Maihar'du away. ZEK That's enough. He checks his servant's handiwork in a small vanity mirror. ZEK Yes, I like it. Very distinguished. Maihar'du bows his head in grateful acknowledge. QUARK Tell me, Nagus, how are tulaberries going to be the most profitable opportunity in Ferengi history? ZEK (annoyed) Do I have to spell it out for you? QUARK If you don't mind... ZEK The tulaberries establish a Ferengi presence inside the Gamma Quadrant. And once we get our foot in the door, they'll never get it out. QUARK (the light dawns) Yes, I see... ZEK (with a conspiratorial smile) Tulaberries, Quark. Tulaberries. 16 INT. QUARK'S Usual crowd. Quark and Rom at the bar. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT ONE 13. 16 CONTINUED: ROM Tulaberries? I wonder what they taste like? Pel comes over with an empty tray. Rom begins loading up a new order. QUARK Who cares what they taste like. They're an opportunity to get a Ferengi foot in the Gamma Quadrant door. ROM And it'll be your foot, brother. I'm so proud. QUARK I'm going to make history, Rom. And I'm going to be rich. (as it sinks in) And I have the Grand Nagus to thank for it. He must really like me. Pel, having overheard their discussion, looks over at Quark. PEL Just remember one thing, "The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife." QUARK The forty-eighth Rule of Acquisition. PEL I'd keep it in mind if I were you. Pel walks off with the tray of drinks. ROM (indignant) He has some nerve. But Quark doesn't answer. He's too busy trying to interpret Pel's words. ROM I warned you about that fellow. Pel comes back with the empty tray. Starts loading up again. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT ONE 14. 16 CONTINUED: (2) QUARK You mind telling me what you meant just now? PEL Did you ever think about why the Nagus is putting you in charge of such a lucrative opportunity? QUARK Isn't it obvious? He knows I have the lobes for business. PEL (shrugs) That's only part of it. ROM (to Pel) I refuse to stand here and allow my brother to be insulted. You're fired. QUARK Shut up. (to Pel) Go on. PEL If these negotiations are profitable, then the Nagus becomes a greater hero than ever. But if they fail, he's going to need someone to take the blame. QUARK You mean me? PEL All I'm saying is be careful. And he's gone again. ROM I never heard such ridiculous lies. He's just jealous of your success, Brother. But Quark knows better. QUARK (doomed) He's right. If something goes wrong, it'll be my fault. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT ONE 15. 16 CONTINUED: (3) ROM Then you're going to need help, Brother. QUARK Yes. ROM Someone to serve as your consultant during negotiations. QUARK Yes. ROM Someone like me. QUARK No. Pel returns to the bar, begins loading up another tray. Quark stops him. QUARK I've been thinking about what you said. I probably could use some help during these negotiations. Pel doesn't miss a beat. PEL I accept. QUARK Good. PEL Then we're partners. QUARK (smiles) Not quite. I don't need a partner. I need an assistant. PEL All right. But I get twenty-five percent of whatever you make. QUARK Fifteen. PEL Twenty. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT ONE 16. 16 CONTINUED: (4) QUARK Done. Rom can't believe what he's hearing. ROM But Brother, what can I do to help. QUARK You want to help? Quark takes Pel's tray and shoves it at Rom. QUARK Table Six is waiting. Rom goes to protest, thinks better of it and slumps away with the tray. Quark, his fears quieted, smiles at the retreating figure of his brother. 17 CLOSE ON PEL Staring secretly at Quark, eyes glowing with affection. 18 INT. PEL'S QUARTERS Small and functional. The door slides open. Pel ENTERS, stops in front of a mirror to admire the image staring back, then goes to a closet and takes out a twenty-fourth century carrying case, placing it on a ledge in front of the mirror. Pel opens the case up (we don't see its contents) and then stares back for a beat at the mirror before reaching up and gently PULLING OFF HIS LOBES revealing the small delicately shaped ears of a Ferengi female. Yes, that's right, Quark's assistant and friend is really a woman. She carefully places the synthetic ears into the case which we now see houses two extra pair of lobes. The interior of the case has all kinds of tech devices to keep them looking and feeling real. Pel then takes off her jacket revealing the outline of her breasts. And as she studies her reflection in the mirror we... FADE OUT. END OF ACT ONE DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT TWO 17. ACT TWO FADE IN: 19 INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE AIRLOCK Sisko, Kira, Quark, Zek and Maihar'du await the arrival of the Dosi. 20 ANGLE QUARK who keeps fidgeting with his clothes. QUARK (to Sisko) How do I look? SISKO Nervous. This only increases Quark's anxiety. After all, this is the biggest deal he's ever taken part in. QUARK Who me? What do I have to be nervous about? KIRA It's Zek who should be nervous... with Quark here as his chief negotiator. Quark glances at Kira, who suddenly flinches as if someone has just pinched her bottom. 21 NEW ANGLE Kira slowly turns to confront an innocent-looking Zek. KIRA (forcing herself to remain calm) If you ever do that again... ZEK Do what? KIRA If you ever do that again, I'll stick those fifty thousand kilos of Brizeen... DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT TWO 17A. 21 CONTINUED: But before she can finish, the airlock gate begins to slide open. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT TWO 18. 21 CONTINUED: (2) QUARK (tense) Here they come. Everyone prepares themselves to meet the Dosi when suddenly 22 NEW ANGLE A Dosi (quietly menacing, but vain and impeccably dressed, Gamma Quadrant aliens) is flung headfirst out of the airlock. He smashes into the wall between Quark and Maihar'du and slumps to the floor stunned. Sisko and Kira prepare for trouble as INGLATU, another Dosi, steps out of the airlock. He adjusts his wardrobe and then speaks in a soft but dangerous voice. INGLATU Don't worry, just a minor disagreement. 23 NEW ANGLE Sisko and Kira react to Zek's guests. 24 ANGLE QUARK knowing he has his work cut out for him. 25 INT. QUARK'S QUARTERS (OPTICAL) Quark and Pel sit across a table from Inglatu and another Dosi, ZYREE, a powerfully built woman. The Dosi sit impassively, staring at Quark as if daring him to make an offer. Quark is intimidated at the underlying threat of impending violence, but with Pel's silent prompting, Quark decides to plunge in. QUARK (false bravado) So, can I get anyone something to eat? The Dosi regard him with silent contempt. QUARK All right, in that case, let's go over our offer. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT TWO 18A. 25 CONTINUED: QUARK (still no response) As you know, the Ferengi are interested in purchasing ten thousand vats of tulaberry wine. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT TWO 19. 25 CONTINUED: (2) QUARK And in exchange, the Dosi will receive what I consider a very fair trade package. Quark hands Inglatu a Ferengi PADD. PEL There are some very interesting items on that list. A subspace field modulator, some optical data processors... Inglatu studies the information then looks up at Quark. INGLATU (softly) We'll give you five thousand vats. QUARK I'm afraid that won't be enough. (smiling) We're looking to establish a vast distribution network in the Gamma Quadrant. We're going to need at least ten thousand vats. INGLATU I'm offering you five thousand vats. I suggest you take it. PEL The Nagus will never agree. Zyree leans over to Inglatu. ZYREE This is a waste of time. We should be talking directly to Zek. INGLATU I know we should be talking to Zek. ZYREE (re: Quark) Then why do you bother talking to this insignificance? Inglatu looks over at Quark who's at a loss to respond. INGLATU Now see what you've done. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT TWO 19A. 25 CONTINUED: (3) QUARK What? INGLATU You've made me look foolish. QUARK I didn't mean to. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT TWO 20. 25 CONTINUED: (4) ZYREE Then bring us Zek. PEL (with an edge) The Nagus has asked Quark to represent him during these negotiations. ZYREE Are you implying that Zek is too important to negotiate with us? QUARK We never meant to imply... Inglatu snaps the PADD in half. INGLATU Because if we kill you, then Zek will have to talk to us. But Pel ignores the threat. PEL You want to do business with the Ferengi... you talk to Quark. A long beat as Inglatu and Zyree confer privately. Then Inglatu gives Quark that lizard stare. QUARK So, how about it? Do we say ten thousand vats? INGLATU We'll think about it. Quark and Pel smile hopefully, but the Dosi still look grim. 26 INT. OPS Kira and Dax at their stations. Supernumeraries as needed. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT TWO 21. 27 NEW ANGLE As Maihar'du exits a Turbolift and passes by O'BRIEN, who has just stepped out of the systems core where he's been making repairs.. O'BRIEN Can I help you? Maihar'du walks past O'Brien and approaches Kira. He hands her a small box. KIRA What is it? He waits impassively for her to open it. She does and takes out a gold-pressed Bajoran earring. Dax joins her at the Ops table. DAX It's beautiful. KIRA It's latinum. SHE LOOKS UP TO SEE 28 MAIHAR'DU already headed back toward the Turbolift. KIRA Excuse me. I really can't accept this. Maihar'du enters the Turbolift and descends out of sight. 29 ANGLE KIRA AND DAX Kira puts the earring back in the box. KIRA Does Zek really think this was going to get him anywhere? DAX Probably not. But that doesn't stop a Ferengi from trying. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT TWO 22. 29 CONTINUED: KIRA You sound like you admire them for it. DAX I suppose in a way I do. KIRA (shakes her head in amusement) I don't understand this attitude you have about the Ferengi. DAX That's because you don't socialize with them the way I do. Looking back over seven lifetimes, I can't think of a single race I've enjoyed more. KIRA Did anyone ever tell you that you have very strange taste? Dax shrugs. She has heard it before and she could care less. DAX I admit they place too much emphasis on profit, and their behavior toward women is somewhat primitive... KIRA They're greedy, misogynistic, untrustworthy little trolls and I wouldn't turn my back on one of them for a second. DAX Neither would I. But once you accept that, you'll find they can be a lot of fun. And with that Dax goes back to her station. An amused Kira can only shake her head at her friend's eccentricity. 30 EXT. SPACE - DEEP SPACE NINE (OPTICAL) Establishing. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT TWO 23. 31 INT. QUARK'S - NIGHT Another after-hours tongo game is in progress. Dax, Quark, Rom, Pel and the other usual players are joined by Zek (with Maihar'du stationed behind him as always). The betting is fierce. ROM Evade. PEL Evade. QUARK Retreat. ZEK Acquire. DAX Confront. All cards are exposed. Dax reaches for the pot. Zek holds up a restraining hand. ZEK Did I say acquire? I meant evade. DAX You said acquire. ZEK But I meant evade. Quark tries to play peacemaker. QUARK Why don't we just play the round over. ROM That sounds fair. ZEK (to Rom) Who asked you? (to Quark) And shouldn't you be plotting strategy for tomorrow's negotiations? QUARK Believe me, Nagus, I've thought about nothing else all evening. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT TWO 24. 31 CONTINUED: ROM That must be why you're losing so badly. QUARK (to Zek) But I think by tomorrow we should have an agreement. ZEK Well I've been thinking, too, and ten thousand vats of tulaberry wine isn't enough. Tell them we want a hundred thousand. QUARK A hundred thousand? But I'm not sure they'll even agree to sell us ten thousand. ZEK A hundred thousand vats will mean more profit for them... and for us. (an order) Now do as I say, or I'll take over the negotiations myself. Before Quark can respond -- PEL I think raising the stakes is a brilliant idea. ZEK Do you? PEL It'll show the Gamma Quadrant we mean business. No wonder Quark says you're a genius. Zek looks over at Quark. ZEK He says that, does he? QUARK All the time. ZEK That's very touching. He shoves a bowl toward Quark. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT TWO 24A. 31 CONTINUED: (2) ZEK Now bring me some fresh tube grubs. These are losing their crunch. QUARK Right away. Quark leaves the table. Zek hands Pel the deck of cards. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT TWO 25. 31 CONTINUED: (3) ZEK I believe the next challenge goes to you. Pel, whose eyes remain on Quark passes the deck over to Rom. PEL I think I'll pass on this round. She gets up and goes to join Quark. 32 TIGHT ON ZEK AND DAX watching her walk off. ZEK Such loyalty must be... expensive. DAX You can't buy that kind of loyalty. ZEK You can where I come from. 33 ANGLE THE BAR As Pel joins a worried Quark. PEL Is the Nagus always this impatient? Quark takes the bowl behind the counter and refills it from a bigger bowl, grabbing a handful of grubs with his fist. QUARK He wants results. And he expects me to get them. But he's not making my job any easier. A hundred thousand vats... that's a lot of tulaberries. PEL You'll get them. QUARK How can you be so sure? PEL Because you're good. And with me helping you, you're even better. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT TWO 25A. 33 CONTINUED: And we hold for a beat as they stare at one another. Quark doesn't realize it, but there's some pretty heavy duty sexual tension flying back and forth between them. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT TWO 26. 33 CONTINUED: (2) QUARK (smiling) Why are you being so nice to me? PEL For twenty percent of your profits, why else? QUARK (convinced) Fair enough. ZEK (O.S.) Where are my grubs? Quark, holding the smaller bowl of tube grubs, and Pel hurry back to the table. 34 TIGHT ON DAX Watching Quark and Pel. Something about that relationship strikes her as odd, but she can't figure out what it is. 35 INT. REPLIMAT - DAY Pel is eating alone as -- DAX (O.S.) I didn't know the Replimat had a Ferengi menu. 36 NEW ANGLE to include Dax carrying a mug of Raktajino. PEL It doesn't. I like to try new things. Dax sits down beside her. DAX That's unusual for a Ferengi. PEL I never heard of a Trill who played tongo. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT TWO 26A. 36 CONTINUED: DAX I guess that makes us both unusual. You know I was impressed by your show of loyalty to Quark last night. PEL He deserves it. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT TWO 27. 36 CONTINUED: (2) DAX That's not the point. Any other Ferengi would have let Zek pick him to pieces. (a beat, thoughtful) But you're not like any other Ferengi I ever met. Pel clearly is uncomfortable with Dax's scrutiny, looks to change the subject. PEL You know Quark really likes you. He talks about you all the time. DAX (smiling at the memory) He once convinced me to go up to a holosuite with him. Turns out he had recreated the bedroom I slept in as a child. He overheard me describing it to Kira. (a beat) Of course, he got most of the details wrong, but it was a very sweet gesture... up until he tried to kiss me. PEL That sounds like Quark. DAX I don't care what anyone says, I love him. PEL (nodding) So do I. And there's something in the simple certainty of Pel's remark that convinces Dax she's telling the truth. DAX (realizing) You really do, don't you? PEL What? DAX Love Quark. Don't bother denying it. I've seen the way you look at him. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT TWO 28. 36 CONTINUED: (3) A flustered Pel looks around the Replimat to make sure no one is listening. PEL Keep your voice down. DAX Does he know? PEL He doesn't even know I'm a female. That really catches Dax by surprise. DAX You're a woman? PEL Would you please lower your voice? DAX I knew there was something different about you. (a beat) I've never met a Ferengi woman before. PEL You probably never will again. On my world, women aren't allowed to leave the house. Or wear clothes. Or learn to read. DAX And you want more. PEL Why not? I'm as smart as any man. So I made myself a pair of synthetic lobes and became one. DAX But why come here? DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT TWO 29. 36 CONTINUED: (4) PEL To acquire profit, of course. (a beat) There's only one thing I hadn't planned on. DAX Falling in love with Quark. Pel nods and looks imploringly at Dax for advice. PEL What do you think I should do? DAX I don't know. But I do know there's more to life than profit. 37 NEW ANGLE as Quark rushes up to the Replimat and waves Pel over. QUARK Pel... it's time. We don't want to keep the Dosi waiting. Pel looks to Dax who smiles encouragement. QUARK (urgent) Hurry! Pel gets up and hurries off with Quark. 38 TIGHT ON DAX Now she really has seen everything. FADE OUT. END OF ACT TWO DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT THREE 30. ACT THREE FADE IN: 39 INT. PROMENADE - SECOND LEVEL - DAY Zek seated at Quark's cafe with Maihar'du; eyes the passing throng. He never realized there were so many females on the station. Suddenly a shadow falls across the table. He glances up to see... 40 KIRA standing over him. ZEK Ah, Major, did your shipment of Brizeen nitrate arrive on time? KIRA Yes, it did. Kira holds out the jewelry box. ZEK Good. And now you're here to thank me. (pats his lap) Have a seat. KIRA Actually, I just stopped by to return this. Zek reluctantly takes the box. ZEK Why? Is something wrong with it? KIRA No, it's lovely. I just can't accept it. ZEK Then I suppose a night of wild passionate romance is out of the question. KIRA That's right. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT THREE 31. 40 CONTINUED: ZEK (shrugs) Just thought I'd ask. He grins to show there are no hard feelings. Kira turns to walk off then flinches as Zek gives her another pinch. Kira forces herself not to turn around. KIRA (to herself) Dax must be crazy. Zek admires her departing figure. QUARK (O.S.) Nice view... 41 NEW ANGLE Quark and Pel have just come up the Promenade stairs and make their way over to Zek. QUARK (continuing, re: the Promenade) ... isn't it. ZEK (pleased) Don't tell me the negotiations are already over. That's fast work, Quark. Now let's see the contract. Quark lowers his head in contrition. QUARK There is no contract. ZEK (immediately hostile) No contract? You offered to buy a hundred thousand vats, didn't you? QUARK Yes... ZEK And? QUARK And that's when they left. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT THREE 32. 42 CONTINUED: ZEK The room? QUARK The station. Zek reels from the blow. ZEK What? QUARK I begged them to stay. PEL He did. I heard him. Zek rises and advances on Quark, shaking his cane in his face. ZEK This is a catastrophe. A complete catastrophe. Zek forces Quark back against the Promenade railing. ZEK This was your big chance, Quark, and you blew it. You may have seriously damaged future Ferengi opportunities in the Gamma Quadrant. Pel steps between them. PEL (to Zek) Now hold on. We said we'd get you your tulaberries and that's exactly what we're going to do. That's news to Quark. QUARK We are? ZEK How? Pel looks to Quark, silently telling him to go along with her plan. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT THREE 33. 41 CONTINUED: (2) PEL We'll travel to the Gamma Quadrant, find the Dosi, and get them to sign the contract. ZEK And how do you plan to get there? PEL We'll take your ship. ZEK My ship. And I suppose you'd want Maihar'du to pilot it for you. QUARK (hope rising) We don't need Maihar'du. I can pilot the ship myself. A beat as Zek thinks it over. PEL (playing hardball) It's up to you, Nagus. You want those tulaberries or not? ZEK All right. You can use my ship. But I'm warning you, Quark. Either you get the Dosi to sign that contract or you'll be tending this worthless little bar for the rest of your life. 42 TIGHT ON QUARK Dreams of glory fading. 43 EXT. SPACE - FERENGI SHIP (OPTICAL) moving through space. INT. FERENGI SHIP 44 A melancholy Quark is at the helm. Pel seated nearby. QUARK I've waited my whole life for an opportunity like this. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT THREE 33A. 44 CONTINUED: PEL So have I. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT THREE 34. 44 CONTINUED: (2) QUARK So far it hasn't turned out quite the way I planned. PEL It's not over yet. QUARK I still don't understand why the Nagus is suddenly insisting on a hundred thousand vats. PEL Neither do I. QUARK You don't think he's purposely trying to sabotage the negotiations? PEL Why would he? QUARK I have no idea. PEL One thing's for certain, he knows more than he's letting on. QUARK About what? PEL Everything. Tulaberries, the Dosi, even the Gamma Quadrant. QUARK Well, if you ever figure out what he's up to, make sure you tell me. PEL Don't worry, I will. Quark looks over at Pel and gives her a grateful smile. QUARK So far the only thing I've done right is pick you as my consultant. PEL I'm glad you feel that way. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT THREE 34A. 44 CONTINUED: (3) It's a tender moment between them that leaves Quark vaguely troubled. QUARK (turning his attention back to the ship) Now, if we could only make some profit. But Pel isn't about to let the moment slip away. She may never have another one. PEL Quark, there's something you should know. QUARK You're too late. I already know what you're going to say. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT THREE 35. 44 CONTINUED: (4) PEL (startled) You do? QUARK (a touch condescending) It's no secret. PEL It's not? QUARK I admit you've been a great help to me... but you agreed to a twenty percent share of the profits and that's all you're going to get. Pel deflates like a balloon. PEL I see. QUARK "Never place friendship above profit." PEL (recognized the quote) The twenty-first Rule of Acquisition. QUARK (end of discussion) I'm glad you agree. Pel doesn't have the heart to tell him the truth. 45 INT. QUARK'S Fairly crowded. Rom running hither and yon mixing drinks at a frenzied pace. If Ferengis could sweat, he'd be soaked. 46 NEW ANGLE to include Odo watching Rom scurry. ODO Feeling a little overwhelmed are we? DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT THREE 36. 46 CONTINUED: ROM I'm glad someone notices. ODO When's Quark due back? ROM How should I know? He never tells me anything. He doesn't even bother to insult me anymore. (with venom) It's Pel, that flabby eared interloper. He's stealing my brother's affections. ODO You're better off. But Rom isn't convinced. He slams the counter for emphasis. ROM But he's my brother. Would you let someone steal you're brother? ODO I don't have one. Not that I know of anyway. ROM But if you did? Odo gives it some thought. Family is a delicate subject to him and when he speaks, it's with conviction. ODO I suppose if I did have a brother... even one as worthless as Quark... I wouldn't allow anyone to come between us. Then, aware he's revealed too much, Odo grunts in dismissal of the whole idea and turns his attention to another part of the bar. 47 TIGHT ON ROM who considers Odo's words a call to battle. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT THREE 37. 48 INT. PEL'S QUARTERS The place has been turned upside down. The camera pans over to Rom who is desperately giving the room a thorough going- over. ROM (frustrated) There must be something here I can use against him. He opens the closet, looks around inside, then notices the carrying case on the floor. He carries it to the counter, opens it, and slowly pulls out a pair of lobes. His expression changes from confusion, to realization, to joy. FADE OUT. END OF ACT THREE DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/20/93 - ACT FOUR 38. ACT FOUR FADE IN: A49 EXT. DOSI HOMEWORLD (MATTE) A barren, rough-hewn landscape. 49 INT. DOSI MEETING HALL - DAY Actually, it's a vast alien Tammany Hall, constructed of billowy tent-like fabric. It consists of a large central room where the Dosi gather to conduct business. Once a deal is agreed upon, the participants retire to one of the small alcoves off the main room to finalize negotiations. In the center of the main room, a Dosi butler dispenses tulaberry wine out of a huge metal vat to help grease the wheels of commerce. 50 QUARK AND PEL Who stand forgotten at the edge of the room. Both of them have been drinking and it's starting to show. 50A NEW ANGLE as Zyree comes up from behind and throws a welcoming arm around them. ZYREE Enjoying yourselves, little Ferengi? QUARK (feigned enthusiasm) How could we not. PEL Tell us, Zyree, what is this place. ZYREE This... this is where opportunities are made. QUARK Really? I thought it was some kind of party. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/20/93 - ACT FOUR 38A. 50A CONTINUED: ZYREE Then you thought wrong. (gestures around the room) This is all about profit. And like the Ferengi, the Dosi are very serious when it comes to profit. Suddenly we hear a loud gunshot. 51 QUARK, PEL AND ZYREE'S POV The crowd parts to reveal a dead Dosi slumped on the floor. Another Dosi stands over him, placing an alien pistol back in his jacket. 51A BACK TO QUARK, PEL AND ZYREE ZYREE Very serious. And with that she saunters away. Quark and Pel seem to be the only ones reacting to this sudden outbreak of violence. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/20/93 - ACT FOUR 39. 51A CONTINUED: PEL (spotting someone o.s.) Look who finally showed up. 52 THEIR POV Inglatu has just ENTERED the tent. QUARK (O.S.) It's about time. 53 BACK TO SCENE Quark screws up his courage and steps out from behind the table. PEL Where are you going? QUARK To get serious about profit. 54 NEW ANGLE Quark matches up and taps Inglatu on the shoulder. Inglatu glances over at him and sneers. INGLATU Oh, it's you, Ferengi. Aren't you on the wrong side of the wormhole? QUARK It certainly feels that way. Fortunately, all I need is your thumbscan on this very lucrative contract and I can go home. Quark pulls out a Ferengi PADD, but Inglatu refuses to take it. INGLATU You had your chance. He turns away. Quark taps him on the shoulder again. An angry Inglatu whirls around. INGLATU I said go away. He turns away again. Quark taps him again. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT FOUR xx40 54 CONTINUED: QUARK Not until we finish our discussion. Inglatu is really getting ticked off. INGLATU You're starting to annoy me. And once again he gives Quark the cold shoulder. Quark, fed up with being ignored, steps forward and kicks over the wine keg, which lands with a LOUD CLATTER. 55 NEW ANGLE Now he has everyone's attention. QUARK Sorry. INGLATU I should have killed you back on that station. QUARK But you didn't. Because deep down inside you recognize a good opportunity when you see one. (offers the PADD) Just put your thumbscan here. A long beat as Inglatu glares at Quark. Finally... INGLATU All right. You can have ten thousand vats. Quark pulls back the PADD. QUARK A hundred thousand. INGLATU I told you before, that's impossible. QUARK One hundred thousand and I'm not leaving until I get it. Inglatu has had enough. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/20/93 - ACT FOUR 41. 55 CONTINUED: INGLATU Fine. Then stay. And he storms out of the tent. 56 OMITTED 57 HOLD ON QUARK who exchanges a dismayed look with Pel. 58 INT. TENT SLEEPING QUARTERS Quark and Pel ENTER and survey the tiny room which is entirely taken up by a bed and small nightstand. The thought of sleeping next to Quark in such a confined space has Pel a little apprehensive. PEL Wouldn't we be more comfortable sleeping on the ship? QUARK No, I want to be right here in case Inglatu changes his mind. (a beat) Don't worry. I don't snore. He sits down to test the bed. PEL Wait. QUARK What is it? PEL (thinking fast) The mattress. QUARK What about it? PEL It looks lumpy. Quark tries it out. QUARK Actually, it's quite comfortable. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/20/93 - ACT FOUR 41A. 58 CONTINUED: PEL I can't sleep on a lumpy mattress. QUARK Well, you're in luck. There's not a lump to be found. Quark moves over to give her room. QUARK Try it for yourself. Which side to you want? Quark starts to remove his jacket. PEL What are you doing? QUARK Getting undressed. What's it look like? PEL You're not going to sleep, are you? QUARK Why not? I'm tired. PEL But shouldn't we be discussing strategy? QUARK There's nothing to discuss. PEL But you know what the hundred and third Rule of Acquisition says... QUARK (tries to remember) Not offhand. PEL (quoting) "Sleep can interfere with... " QUARK And I don't care either. He lies down on the bed. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/20/93 - ACT FOUR 41B. 58 CONTINUED: (2) PEL Wait. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT FOUR 42. 58 CONTINUED: (3) Quark sits back up. QUARK What now? A nervous Pel looks to stall. She spots a carafe of wine and two glasses sitting on the nightstand. PEL First, a toast. QUARK To what? Pel pours them each a glass. She offers one to Quark who has to stand to take it. PEL To profit, of course. QUARK Of course. They drink. They're only inches apart, they're eyes locked on each other's gaze. QUARK Is it warm in here? PEL It must be the wine. QUARK (nervously staring into her eyes) I hope so. PEL I was impressed with the way you handled Inglatu. QUARK I was good, wasn't I. (a beat) Now let's go to bed. She pours them each another glass. This time neither one of them waits for a toast. They both gulp down the wine, hoping to steady their nerves. PEL The look on his face when you knocked over that barrel. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/20/93 - ACT FOUR 43. 58 CONTINUED: (4) QUARK That was risky. PEL (quoting) "The riskier the road, the greater the profit." QUARK The sixty-second Rule. PEL That's right. QUARK (looking to fill the silence) You really know your Rules. PEL (swept away by the moment) And you have a very nice smile. QUARK (without thinking) I do? Suddenly, Pel lunges forward and kisses Quark on the lips who reels back in shock. PEL Quark, I have something to tell you... 59 NEW ANGLE But before Pel can explain herself, the tent flap opens and Zyree ENTERS, startling them both. ZYREE I'm not interrupting anything, am I? QUARK No. Definitely not. ZYREE You're sure? Quark takes her by the arm to lead her into the room. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/20/93 - ACT FOUR 43A. 59 CONTINUED: QUARK Positive. But Zyree still isn't convinced. ZYREE I'll come back tomorrow. She turns and leaves. Quark and Pel exchange looks. Quark doesn't want to hear anything Pel has to say. QUARK (calling after Zyree) Wait. He follows her out. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/20/93 - ACT FOUR 44. 59 CONTINUED: (2) Pel uses the opportunity to pour herself another cup of tulaberry wine which she gulps down just as Quark RE-ENTERS with Zyree. QUARK (to Zyree) Don't be ridiculous, we can't wait to hear what you have to say. Besides, we could use the company. (to Pel) Isn't that right. PEL Absolutely. ZYREE All right then, let me give you some advice... Inglatu will never sell you a hundred thousand vats of tulaberry wine. Not because he doesn't want to, but because he can't. Quark is eager to discuss something other than what just happened with Pel. QUARK If he can't, then who can? You? ZYREE I wish I could, but there aren't that many vats on the entire planet. QUARK (to Pel, gloomy) Then we're finished. ZYREE Not necessarily. (off Quark's reaction) If you really want a hundred thousand vats of tulaberry wine, I can put you in touch with the right people. For a price, of course. QUARK Of course. (an encouraging smile) I always said you were my favorite Dosi. (confidentially) Now... who do we have to see? DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/20/93 - ACT FOUR 44A. 59 CONTINUED: (3) ZYREE (conspiratorial) The Karemma. PEL Who are the Karemma? ZYREE They're an important power in the Dominion. QUARK The Dominion? What's that? ZYREE Let's just say that if you want to do business in the Gamma Quadrant... you have to do business with the Dominion. 60 HOLD ON QUARK AND PEL pondering this latest mystery. 61 EXT. SPACE - THE FERENGI SHIP (OPTICAL) 61A INT. FERENGI SHIP (OPTICAL) Quark and Pel beam in. Quark, still in denial about what happened in that Dosi bedroom, is pontificating to a brooding Pel. QUARK The biggest opportunity in Ferengi history, that's what Zek called it. But he didn't mean tulaberries. He meant the Dominion. That's why he sabotaged the negotiations. He never wanted to do business with the Dosi. He just wanted to use them to get to someone more important in the Dominion. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT FOUR 45. 61A CONTINUED: PEL (snapping out of it) Quark, we need to talk. QUARK We are talking. PEL Don't you want to know why I kissed you? QUARK You didn't kiss me. PEL Yes, I did. QUARK No, you didn't. And I don't want to discuss it anymore. (a beat) Now, let's just concentrate on the Dominion. (without waiting for an answer) I only wish Zyree would have told us more. A defeated Pel tries to get into the spirit of things. PEL It could be some kind of planetary alliance; or trading consortium... QUARK Whatever it is, it's important. And I want a piece of it. And one way or another he intends to get it. 62 EXT. SPACE - DEEP SPACE NINE (OPTICAL) 62A INT. QUARK'S Zek and Quark are seated at a table with Maihar'du in b.g. Quark is going to enjoy this. He's just been taken for a ride by Zek and now he's going to return the favor. Meanwhile, an anxious Rom hovers around them while in the b.g. Pel waits by the bar. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT FOUR 45A. 62A CONTINUED: ZEK I'm disappointed, Quark, very disappointed. I really wanted those tulaberries. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT FOUR 46. 62A CONTINUED: (2) QUARK You and I both know my trip had nothing to do with tulaberries. ZEK It didn't? Rom leans in over them. ROM I must speak with you, Brother. QUARK Can't you see I'm busy. Rom backs off. Quark leans in close to Zek. QUARK (continuing) Does the word "Dominion" mean anything to you. Zek's eyes light up. ZEK What have you found out? QUARK You first. Rom can't stay away. ROM Please, Brother, it's urgent. QUARK Not now. (to Zek) I'm waiting. ZEK Most of my information consists of little more than hints and whispers, but it's enough to convince me that whoever learns the secret of the Dominion, whatever it may be, will learn the secret of the Gamma Quadrant. (a beat) Unfortunately, the Dosi don't seem to know very much. I was hoping they'd lead us to someone who does. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT FOUR 47. 62A CONTINUED: (3) QUARK And what would such information be worth to you? ZEK A lot. QUARK What if I told you I could arrange a meeting between you and a powerful member of the Dominion? Zek grabs hold of Quark's arm. ZEK If you can do that, I'll see to it that you earn a percentage of every Ferengi opportunity in the Gamma Quadrant. QUARK That's a lot of latinum. Zek shivers with anticipation. ZEK Give me a name. QUARK (sotto voce) The Karemma. ZEK (he loves them already) The Karemma. Zek leans back in his chair a happy man. ZEK I always knew you had the lobes for business. They chuckle contentedly. Rom can't take it anymore. ROM Now, may I have a word with you, Brother. Even Rom can't annoy Quark at the moment. QUARK All right. But make it quick. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT FOUR 48. 63 NEW ANGLE the camera stays by Zek's table as Rom leads Quark over to Pel. We don't hear what's being said but we don't have to... their body language says it all. Rom tells Quark about Pel. Quark doesn't believe him. Rom insists he's telling the truth. Quark turns to Pel, who nods her head confirming that yes, she is indeed a woman. Quark absorbs this information... and faints. FADE OUT. END OF ACT FOUR DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT FIVE 49. ACT FIVE FADE IN: 64 INT. INFIRMARY - DAY - CLOSE ON QUARK who wakes with a start on one of the diagnostic beds. 65 ANGLE WIDENS to include BASHIR running a med-scan of his skull, and Rom, who hovers nearby. BASHIR Easy now. That's quite a bump you have there. QUARK Where's Rom? ROM Right here, Brother. Quark fastens a vise-like grip on Rom's arm to prevent him from getting away. BASHIR Luckily there doesn't seem to be any serious damage. QUARK (feigns weakness) If you don't mind, I'd like to rest here for a few minutes. BASHIR Of course. I'll be in the next room if you need me. QUARK Thank you, Doctor. Bashir leaves. As soon as he EXITS, Quark pulls Rom closer. QUARK (urgent) You haven't told anyone, have you? ROM You mean about Pel? QUARK Quiet. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT FIVE 50. 65 CONTINUED: ROM I haven't breathed a word. I thought it would be best if you told Zek yourself. Quark relaxes slightly and sits up on the table. QUARK No one's going to tell Zek anything. Is that clear? Rom can't believe what he's hearing. ROM But she's a female... QUARK Not so loud. ROM ... who wears clothes... and is trying to earn profit... why she even quotes from the sacred Rules of Acquisition. Such a female must be severely punished. QUARK I know that. ROM Then we must stop her. Rom tries to head for the door, but Quark stops him. QUARK No. Rom stares at Quark, restraining hand. ROM You're scaring me, Brother. (shaken by the thought) Could it be you have feelings for this woman? QUARK (irritable) Of course not. (then, placating) Don't you see. If Zek learns I was deceived by a female, I'd be ruined. He might never trust me again. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT FIVE 51. 65 CONTINUED: (2) ROM But, if you don't tell him and he finds out, you're sure to be ruined. You have to tell him, or I will. Again Rom tries for the door and again Quark stops him. ROM Let me go. I have to save you from yourself. But Quark hangs on tight. QUARK Forget about me. (a sudden idea) What about the bar? ROM (immediately interested) The bar? QUARK You still want it, don't you? ROM Don't you? QUARK Who needs the bar when I can have the Gamma Quadrant? I'll transfer ownership immediately... but only on one condition. You never mention the truth about Pel to anyone. ROM (with feigned innocence) Pel? What about him? They smile, gratified that brothers can understand each other so well. 66 INT. PEL'S QUARTERS Pel pacing, the weight of the world on her shoulders, no longer wearing her synthetic ears. The shape of her breasts are visible under her shirt. The door CHIMES. PEL Come. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT FIVE 52. 66 CONTINUED: Quark ENTERS holding a small satchel. He immediately reacts to Pel's appearance. This is the first time he's seen her in all her womanly glory and he's torn between desire and indignation. QUARK (panicked) Where are your lobes? Pel points to her carrying case. PEL Over there. QUARK Well, put them on, before someone sees you. PEL No one's going to see me... QUARK (insisting) Put them on now. (re: her breasts) And wrap yourself up. Pel crosses off screen to the carrying case. We hold on... 66A QUARK who looks around the room, while she puts on the ears offscreen. QUARK (gruffly) Have you finished packing? Pel returns with the synthetic ears and wearing her jacket. PEL Am I going someplace? QUARK As far away from this station as possible. PEL I thought we were partners. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT FIVE 52A. 66A CONTINUED: QUARK Not anymore. (off her look) Well, what did you expect? I mean, look at you, you're wearing clothes. PEL Is that a crime? QUARK As a matter of fact, it is. Look, it's just too risky for you to stay here. He offers her the satchel. QUARK You can take this with you. PEL What is it? QUARK Ten bars of latinum. To help you start a new life. Pel doesn't take the satchel. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT FIVE 66A. 66A CONTINUED: (2) QUARK (continuing) If you're going to pretend you're a man, then act like one. Take the profit. PEL This isn't about profit anymore. It's about love. There, she said it. Quark growls angrily. QUARK (an accusation) Spoken like a true female. He turns away and begins gathering up her things. But Pel can't quit now. PEL I love you, Quark. And I know you care about me, too. Admit it. Quark refuses to look at her, but he stops what he was doing. QUARK What difference does it make if I do? You'd never be happy being a Ferengi wife. PEL Then come with me to the Gamma Quadrant. No one there cares whether I wear clothes or not. A beat, then Quark turns to face her. QUARK (with solemn finality) I'd care. A long beat as she sees that he really means it. PEL I guess I'd better start packing. QUARK I guess so. And there's nothing left for them to say. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT FIVE 54. 67 EXT. SPACE - DEEP SPACE NINE (OPTICAL) 68 INT. QUARK'S QUARTERS - EVENING Maihar'du is serving Quark, Rom and Zek a celebratory meal. But a solemn Quark isn't bringing much to the party. ZEK These flaked blood fleas are surprisingly succulent. ROM You really should try them, Brother. QUARK I'm not feeling particularly hungry. ZEK (all good cheer) Let me guess. Too busy thinking about how to spend all that latinum we're going to earn. (chuckling) Well, I don't blame you. Quark smiles but even the thought of profit can't raise his spirits. The door chimes. QUARK Come. 69 NEW ANGLE Pel ENTERS. Quark can't believe it. ROM (to Quark; sotto voce) I thought you said she left the station. QUARK I thought she did. PEL (strong) I hope you don't mind, Quark, but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to the Nagus. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT FIVE 55. 69 CONTINUED: ZEK I'm glad you stopped by. I know how much you helped Quark during the negotiations. I predict a big future for you, Pel. You certainly have the lobes for it. Pel shoots Zek a friendly smile. PEL You like my lobes? Quark is starting to catch on why she's there. QUARK Pel, wait... ZEK (to Pel, not paying attention to Quark) Yes, I do... PEL Then you can have them. Quark stands and reaches out to stop her. QUARK No. But he's too late. Pel pulls off her synthetic lobes. ZEK (the horror) It's a female! Quark collapses in his chair. ROM (whispers) Does this mean I don't get the bar? QUARK Rom... out. Rom scrambles out of there, relieved to escape the wrath of Zek, whose shock is quickly giving way to anger. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT FIVE 56. 69 CONTINUED: (2) ZEK This is outrageous. (to Quark) What's going on here? QUARK I... I... I... PEL Leave him out of this. ZEK You dare give me orders! (to Quark) You knew about this all along, didn't you? QUARK I... I... I... Pel leans over the table to Zek. PEL (mocking) So, tell me more about my big future. ZEK You have no future. I'll see to it you spend the rest of your life in prison. QUARK (forcefully) No. Zek turns to Quark. ZEK Let me remind you that taking business advice from a female is a violation of Ferengi law. QUARK I didn't know she was a female. ZEK Stupidity is no excuse. Now one more word out of you and you'll wind up sharing her cell. But Quark isn't about to back down now. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT FIVE 57. 69 CONTINUED: (3) QUARK Then you'd better make sure it's big enough for three. ZEK Are you threatening me? QUARK I wonder what your associates will say when I tell them you allowed a female to represent you in a business negotiation. ZEK I had no idea she was a female. QUARK Stupidity is no excuse. A beat as Zek absorbs the wisdom of Quark's words. ZEK I see your point. It seems Pel's identity will have to remain our little secret. But it's going to cost you. Quark sees this one coming a mile away. QUARK My Gamma Quadrant profits. ZEK I've always said you were a bright fellow, Quark. Zek stands to leave. As he passes Pel. ZEK Shame on you. And he and Maihar'du EXIT leaving... 70 QUARK AND PEL facing one another. QUARK I hope you're satisfied. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - REV. 09/09/93 - ACT FIVE 58. 70 CONTINUED: PEL I'm sorry, but it's time he learned that when it comes to accumulating profit, women are as capable as men. QUARK Well, do me a favor and don't tell anyone else. There's an awkward moment of silence. Then... PEL I should be going. I've booked passage on an Andorian transport. (a beat) You could come with me. QUARK I can't. PEL I know. She leans over and kisses him. This time, they let it linger for a moment. PEL Well then, if I can't have you, I guess I'll take those ten bars of latinum after all. And as Quark reacts... 71 INT. QUARK'S - NIGHT The crowd is starting to thin out. Quark, behind the counter, moves over to where Dax is sitting. QUARK So, Lieutenant, you ready for another night of tongo? DAX (sympathetic) Haven't you lost enough for one day? QUARK I don't know what you're talking about. DEEP SPACE: "Rules of Acquisition" - 09/03/93 - ACT FIVE 59-60. 71 CONTINUED: DAX I'm talking about Pel. She stopped by to see me before she left. I'm going to miss her, and so are you. Quark gives her his usual lascivious grin. QUARK You really think I'd let anyone come between us? DAX Nice try, Quark, but I know you better than that. Dax EXITS. 71A CLOSE ON QUARK whose smile slowly fades. And we see that he truly does feel the loss of Pel. And as he stands there in his loneliness and regret, we... FADE OUT. END OF ACT FIVE THE END